Page 97 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

I swallowed hard and dropped my chin to my chest. I didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t stay here in this horribly uncomfortable chair.

I muttered a quick “excuse me” as I bolted from the office. I didn’t stop when TJ called after me, continuing out into the bitter November air.

This was wrong.

This was all wrong.

Yes, I had gotten the job, but I didn’t want it like this. If I couldn’t do it on my own, with my own skills and qualifications, then I didn’t want it at all. And the idea of taking something from someone I loved, someone more deserving, made me physically ill. I had turned my back on my parents’ influence years ago, but they wouldn’t let me go.

And now, Jack was involved too. Somehow, he had become even more important to me than my dream of working at this school.

I screamed and stomped my foot, startling several birds in a nearby chestnut tree who took flight in a great flapping of feathers. Every nerve in my body felt raw. I was so stupid. Of course, I couldn’t do it on my own. Of course, my parents had interfered—had thrown money at the problem like they always did.

There was a time when this wouldn’t have bothered me. A time when I would have expected it and even been grateful.

But this wasn’t that time.

I was devastated. And furious.

Furious at myself for thinking I could do this on my own.

Furious at my parents for thinking I couldn’t.

Furious at Richmond for letting himself be bought.

And I was a little furious at Jack for being right about me.

Jack had me pegged from day one. He knew that I didn’t have what it took to be here, to teach here. He had called me out in that very first meeting. And I had doggedly defended myself with righteous indignation.

But he was right. I didn’t belong here. I wasn’t cut out for this. I was a silly little rich girl pretending to play teacher.

I fell onto a nearby bench and dropped my face into my hands as fat wet tears began spilling from my eyes. They were tears of anger, hurt, disappointment, and self-pity all rolled into one sloppy mess. I cried and cried, my body heaving as I gulped for air between sobs.

All of my pent-up pain and confusion at Jack’s rejection last week mixed with my self-doubt in a toxic emulsion. I didn’t belong here, but Richmond and the board wanted me to stay. No—they didn’t want me, they just wanted the Burke money. That’s what it always came back to with my parents. And I had once again fallen into the same cycle of trying to do something on my own and having them bail me out when I failed.

“Are… are you okay?”

Damnit. I was busted. I looked up and found Alan standing a few paces away on the sidewalk, a look of deepest concern on his face.

Scrubbing my sleeve over my cheeks to wipe away my tears and snot, I said, “No—I mean yes. I got the job.” I tried to smile, but it probably looked sickening. “But I think you already knew that.”

Alan nodded awkwardly. “Yes,” he said slowly, then cleared his throat. “Congratulations.”

I huffed a bitter, humorless laugh. “Don’t. I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re not happy?” Alan asked, tentatively. “You wanted this.”

“Of course, I wanted the job, but I never wanted this.” I gestured broadly, trying to encompass myself, the campus, and everything else in my fucked up little world. “There’s nothing quite like finding out your parents still have no faith in you after almost thirty years.”

“Oh.” He rubbed the toe of his Oxford on the rough stone sidewalk, scuffing the leather. “Is… there anything I can do?”

I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes. He couldn’t do anything. No one could do anything. Jack was never the problem. And neither was Richmond—not really. The real problem was my father. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I sat up straighter as a plan formed in my head.

“Actually, yes,” I sniffed. “Can I borrow your car?”

He gave me a questioning look before shrugging. “Sure. You know how to drive, right?” he asked as he fished in his pocket for keys.

I tried not to wince. It had been years since I had driven a car. There was no need for a car in the city, and I hadn’t really needed one here either since I mostly stayed on campus. “Well enough,” I lied, catching the keys as he tossed them to me.