Page 46 of Blue Sky

Chamango

“Are you serious?”

Excitement twisted with fear in my chest. He was not asking me to marry him, which of course I didn’t expect. He had just told me he loved me, and I wasn’t trying to rush things any more than they were already rushed. Even so, I needed to know where I stood.

“Dead serious. I love you, Loma.”

“I love you, too. But I want to go to San Diego. I don’t know if I can move across the country. I mean, I have to support the girls.”

“Don’t worry about money. I can take care of you and your sisters. Just come with me. I need you. Sky needs you.”

I needed them, too. “But what if this doesn’t work out? Then what?”

He pulled me into his arms. “It’s going to work out, baby. Trust me.”

I had never trusted anyone in my life but my abuela. If it didn’t work out, I would be stranded in Florida, with no job, and no money. I’d be completely dependent on him. No, I couldn’t do that. No matter how much I loved him.

I pulled away from him. “I’m not sure. I need to make my own money. I don’t feel comfortable with you supporting us.”

His face contorted. “Well, I could still pay you as Sky’s nanny.”

Though I was positive he meant that offer as a way to give me independence, it didn’t sit right with me.

We were sleeping with each other now. I didn’t want him to pay me.

I didn’t accept money for sex.

I wasn’t my mother.

I needed to think about this.

“I’m not sure. I don’t know what I want.”

He kissed me. “We don’t need to decide our future right now. Let’s just be happy. We love each other. I want to make you happy. I respect you. I’m not going to abandon you. Let’s just take this one day at a time.”

I kissed him back but inside my heart wrenched.

I did love him. And I believed him. But I couldn’t take this one day at a time. I had fought so hard to leave this town. I couldn’t become dependent on a man. I needed to find my own way.

“We have a few more weeks to decide. Let’s check in and see where we are at.”

His face grimaced. Clearly not satisfied with my answer. I didn’t think that Beck was used to hearing the word no.

Well, I may be poor, but I wasn’t pathetic. I would stand up for myself and my sisters. I just couldn’t put all my trust in a man.

I fell asleep in Beck’s arms and he woke me early with kisses and we made love again. This time it was sweeter and more loving. I loved how he could fuck me at night and then make love to me the next day.

For once, I didn’t even try to sneak out of his room early. I would no longer keep where I slept a secret from the girls. I felt guilty being so blatant like mama had been, but even so, I still woke up before they did.

I made breakfast and Beck took the girls to school. After I fed Sky, I sat on the floor and started to read to her. She was more and more active by the day and I was pretty sure she would start walking by next month. She was such a fat, healthy baby with a beautiful smile. I adored her. I loved her.

After a few hours of singing songs, crawling, and playing games, I put her down for a nap. I walked into the kitchen to make lunch when I heard a loud knock at the door.

I rushed to open it, not wanting Sky to wake.

My heart stopped when I saw who was standing at the door.

It was my mother. Her hair seemed to have become greyer and her eyes had more lines. And she was holding a cup of my favorite treat—chamangos.