Page 94 of Beast

I wasn’t about to meet her family, but I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. “Do you and Gabriel want to come to Vic’s party?”

Her eyes beamed. “We’d love to. I wasn’t sure you really wanted me to go. It’s tomorrow, right?”

“No, Saturday. I’ll pick you up at five. At the coffee house down the street from your house?” I wasn’t just being a dick, not picking them up from her house; I really didn’t want her family to see my face. I still didn’t trust, despite their cover up, that I’d somehow pulled off this rescue without getting caught.

“Sounds good. I can’t wait.”

We finished our meals and went to Bay Books next door. I bought Gabriel a counting book about the Navy. Then we grabbed ice cream. Had I been wrong about being incapable of taking care of anyone other than myself? I thought seeing her back in the United States, free, would squelch any feelings I had for her, protecting her, loving her. She didn’t seem happy to me, truly happy. And I had some crazy notion I could make her happy again. That, in some twisted way, our fucked up past could make each other whole.

25

Annie

MY HAND TREMBLED AS I twisted up one more coat of mascara onto my eyelashes. Since I’d been back home, I almost never put on makeup. It reminded me of being at the brothel. But I wanted to look nice for Pat. I was meeting him in a half an hour. Was this a date? It felt like a date, whatever I imagined a date would feel like. I wouldn’t really know—Chris and I just fell into a relationship in high school. He even recently confessed to me that he was planning on proposing on our last night on the vacation. I still loved him, I would always love him—he was my first, the only man I’d been with until I was taken. But there was too much pain and sadness between us. The guilt of what had happened to me wrecked him. He blamed himself, if only he’d awoken, or we hadn’t been drunk, he was sure that he could’ve prevented my kidnapping. I didn’t blame him, at all. But we had nothing left. Years of wondering, suspicion, longing had squashed any chances of us finding happiness.

But with Pat it was different. I felt different. He was so sexy, beautiful, deep. Loyal and committed. His strong arms, sexy mouth, my mind ran wild imagining him making love to me. Though I knew he felt guilt for hiring me, I knew in his fucked up mind he felt that hiring a hooker was safe for him emotionally. No promises. No disappointments. But he could never disappoint me.

I walked out of my bathroom, and into the family room, where my parents were watching television, Gabriel playing quietly on the floor.

My father gave me a hard glance. “You look nice. Date with Chris?”

His voice was almost hopeful. His sad blue eyes broke my heart. I knew it just killed him to see me, imagine what I’d been through. And Gabriel was just a reminder to him of my ordeal, despite how hard he tried to love him. My father couldn’t even look at Gabriel. Daddy’s little girl died on that vacation. “No, Dad. We’re meeting Pat. He’s taking us to a barbeque with the other guys who saved us.”

He let out a pained breath. “You’re meeting him? He doesn’t even have the decency to pick you up at your home and meet me?”

“Dad, stop. It’s not like that. He’s embarrassed about how we met. If I continue to see him, you’ll meet him. He’s a good guy, I swear.”

He pointed at me. “He’s a good SEAL, Annie. Don’t confuse his job proficiency with his character. Remember where you met him, how he hired you for his selfish needs. No morals. No ethics. I’m surprised he made it through BUD/S. He’s not the type of man you want around your son.”

“Well, he’s a helluva improvement from Gabriel’s real dad.” That ought to shut him up.

My dad just shook his head and walked away. My parents’ constant newfound concern for and control over me irked me to no end. What were they trying to protect me from? I’d already lived the worst life imaginable.

I brushed Gabriel’s hair, put on his shoes, and we walked out of our door, toward the coffee house. Toward Pat. I was so nervous. Seeing him two days ago had brought back all the feelings I’d had on the ship. It was real—not just some misplaced affection for my savior. He cared about me, and Gabriel. He’d seen me at my worst. Yet he looked at me with desire, not disgust. Not as some used up heroin addicted whore, but as a woman, as a mother. A survivor.

I wanted him. I wanted to make him feel love, make him trust me. I would never cheat on him. If he would only give me a chance. Give us each a chance to build a new life together. Based on truth. How could I ever be with anyone who didn’t understand and accept my former life? Star is a part of me. I don’t want to forget her. The kidnapping happened. I was a sex slave. That is my past—but I won’t let it define my future.

26

Patrick

I ARRIVED AT LOFTY COFFEE twenty minutes early. I didn’t want to be late. My stomach was in knots—this felt like going on a first date, and I didn’t date. Annie still hadn’t arrived, so I slipped out the door to The Den, a boutique next store. I wanted to buy her something.

The designer clothes and lingerie weren’t what I was looking for. Then something caught my eye at the counter. “I’ll take this.”

The shop girl grabbed the item and packaged it up. “Is this for your girlfriend?”

I couldn’t tell if she was hitting on me, but I didn’t care. “Something like that.”

I paid, and went back to the coffee shop.

Annie had arrived but hadn’t noticed me yet. She and Gabriel were standing in line.

I couldn’t resist checking her out. She was wearing a pale peach dress that clung to her body. I couldn’t tell if she had a bra on or one of those camisoles. Either way, I could see the outline of her nipples. I clenched my fists and tried to reconcile this beautiful woman standing in front of me with the traumatized hooker I’d first laid eyes on. A mixture of shame for how I met her with pride at how she’d recovered filled my mind.

I leaned into her and kissed her, not caring about my own objections. The words spilled out of my mouth, the look on her face made me happy as I said them. “I’m glad you came to greet me off the ship. Honestly, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

She touched my face, her fingers tracing my beard. “I missed you, too.”