Page 29 of Triton

Erik was right by my side. “Babe. This one is called Dirty Name. You got this. Just jump up on the first log and then throw yourself over the first hurdle. Aim for your waist.”

Okay. That didn’t sound toohard.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered all my strength and jumped up and flew onto the hurdle. But instead of landing on my stomach, I crashed down right on my breasts and fell to the ground.

Dammit.

Erik ran over to me. “Youokay?”

“Yup. Never better.”

“Most people can’t get through that obstacle. It counts for most of our drops during hellweek.”

“Let me try again,” I insisted.

“Have atit.”

I ran back a few feet and had a running start. Again, I jumped on the first log and trying to hoist my body over the first hurdle. But this time, I jumped, and the hurdle hit above my chest, knocking my wind out of me. Dammit.

“Don’t worry about it. Just go to the next obstacle.”

“No. I want to try again.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Aria, come on. It took me weeks to master this. Let’s just moveon.”

But I couldn’t move on. The bitter taste of failure hung heavy on my tongue. “Please, just one moretime.”

He nodded, and I ran again. This time I landed smack on my ribs. I swear I heard a crack, but it could also have been my audible shame.

“Babe. You’re incredible. Come on. Let me gather my stuff, and we can get out ofhere.”

“Can I finish the rest of the course?”

“Sure.”

Luckily, the rest of the course seemed easier. I had no problem with the logs. I gasped when I looked down at the ground so far away from me as I tiptoed across the rope. The slide of life was intimidating as it seemed like I was gliding head first into the Pacific Ocean, but I just focused on my balance. I had no problem on the monkey bars or up to the flat wall or vaults. When I ran to the finish line, Erik lifted me into his arms and kissedme.

“Aria, you take my breath away. I can’t believe you just did that. You should be so proud of yourself.”

But I didn’t feel proud. I felt shame, humiliation, defeat. I had to master Dirty Name. I could hear the voice of my mom ring in my head. “You’ll never be good enough.”

I looked at Erik, his face beaming with pride. I hated myself. Here I had this amazing supportive man, and I was deceiving him. I was really starting to care about him, but I couldn’t imagine how hurt he would be when he found out I was training to be a SEAL. He would think that I was dishonest and deceptive when that wasn’t true. Had he told me that he supported female SEALs, then I would’ve been honest withhim.

I needed to come clean to him and tell him the truth. I just prayed that he would still look at me the way he was looking at menow.