Page 55 of Carte

I was bone tiered, but I knew no amount of rest would help. Only Harley could.

But she was avoiding me.

I didn’t get a wink of sleep again last night. I tossed and turned well into the night until I heard it. I froze and barely dared to breathe in fear that I would somehow chase it away. Soft sounds coming from Harley’s room assaulted my ears. A melody so raw, I had to fight the urge to get up, go to her, and take her in my arms to soothe the hurt she was pouring out of her. If she screamed them in my ear, they wouldn’t have the same strength. No, it was that soft humming and singing the words I couldn’t understand because they were muffled by the walls that separated us, but I felt them in my gut, that almost did me in. The hollow and painful feeling they held took hold of me, and tried to choke me.

Listening to it, I gripped the edge of the mattress to not move, to stay still. I wanted to tear down the walls and beg her to forgive me and to give me a chance.

No matter how much I wanted her, I still laid perfectly still. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take that chance.

I rubbed my palms over my face, trying to push the memories of the night away.

It was useless.

I got up, and hurried to my bathroom. I was anxious to see her, to get a good look at her. After yesterday morning, I knew she was hurting. And I was responsible for her pain.

Something I never wanted to be.

As I finished in the bathroom, I crossed over to my door, and slowly, quietly opened them.

I checked the hallway and listened to any sounds of Harley moving around, but there was nothing.

Everything was still.

As I came to the kitchen, disappointment coursed through me. It was empty.

There was no wild brown mane that called my hands to tangle in their strands, no grey blue eyes that whispered their secrets to me, and no body that had me reciting the statistics of every major sport just so I had a chance in hell to fight off the hard on.

Harley was still asleep.

I busied myself by making coffee just so I would have something to do. My phone went off, and I reached for it quickly to stop its ringing so it wouldn't wake her.

“Yeah,” I muttered into it.

“Good morning, Mister Sunshine,” Chace quipped in my ear. “How're things in Wonderland?”

“I'm in no mood for your shit this morning,” I sighed.

Chace was a lot on a normal day. For a man who spent years working undercover, bringing the worst that humanity had to offer to justice, you wouldn't think that he had this level of goofiness in him. Since he met Alina, that level went up.

“Oh,” he gasped. I could almost see him taking the affronted stance in my mind's eye. “What’s this? What's troubling my young, baby brother?”

“Stop,” I barked.

Chace sighed, “Okay, man. What's going on? You're being surly more than your usual.”

I blinked, Harley’s melody from last night whispering in my head. “Nothing. Just didn't get much sleep.”

“If you would listen to reason and Max, I know that would change.”

Of course Max told him what happened when he was last here.

I should have known better than to ask Max to take on that task and come up every ten days. I could only thank my lucky stars that Cahce had a case of his own that had his attention. I didn’t even want to think what mayhem would ensue if he came up here, and got a good look at the state I was in.

Thank fuck we were going away in a few days and there was no need for anyone coming up here with provisions and groceries.

“Like you did?” I asked, knowing full well how long and how hard Chace fought Alina’s pull.

“Under the belt, man,” Chace muttered.