Page 34 of Homecoming

“I’m not the best. Not yet at least. I still have a few records I need to chase down. But, I’m not talking about that. It’s about my entire career, how I got my seat.”

“What’s so shameful about that?”

“The fact I don’t have a rich daddy standing behind me, having my back. A daddy who took me to every practice, every karting race. I’m trailer trash, and they hate me for it. Even if they don’t know it for a fact, they can smell it on me.”

His eyes got intense as he looked at me through the moonlight spilling through the windows. Hoping that he was finally ready to share what was troubling him, I didn’t dare to move and turn on the light.

“But you’re my home. You’re my safe haven. With you, I can be myself.”

Hearing his beautiful words, all I felt was disappointment. I so wanted to believe him, in us. But I was staring the truth right in the face. He was never going to open up to me. Not unless I forced it. And I was too scared to do it. I didn’t want to lose Ian. But I was beginning to think we weren’t going to make it if he continued to shut me out.

“Besides, the fans? They think they want to know. But, take the illusion away, you took all of it. The sport would die. No one wants to face reality.”

I wondered if he recognized the irony in his words.

“The season is always fast and exciting. There’s something going on every day. Adrenaline is through the roof. But, I wonder…” he trailed off, picking up my hand, and playing with my fingers.

“You wonder what?” I whispered, transfixed by the glimpse of vulnerability in him. He was always larger than life. A presence you couldn’t ignore when he was near you. And to see how insecure he still was… Well, it was unfathomable.

“I fear. Will you still want to be with me after all the commotion is over? After the engines stop roaring.”

“Ian…”

“Will you still be here when there’s nothing but quiet? Nothing but me.”

“All I want is you. All I ever wanted was you,” I got up on my elbow, leaned over him, and touched his face. “Since I was a girl, I wanted you,” I could see he didn’t believe me. “When you went away, I was broken. I felt like I lost my center. My home. I had no friends for a year after you left, Ian. Not because I couldn’t make new ones, but because I missed you too much. I grew up, thinking about you every day, and later, tracking stories about you. Trying to find your picture online.”

He smiled a lopsided smile. I smiled back at him.

“I don’t need all this. The glam, the adrenaline, the status. All I need is the boy who let me hold his hand every night and listened to my stories. All I need is you.” I pushed into his face to get him to listen and believe my words. I could only hope it worked, and he believed me.

It wasn’t all bad. We had fun, did a lot of sighed seeing, and enjoyed each other. Almost every night, we would fall into bed tangled in each other, and Ian would make me reach the stars.

It was the summer that set the course for the rest of my life.

I started to imagine the future in which we would be together, build a life, and maybe if we were lucky, grow old together.

It was the perfect summer.

Almost.

Because we knew, nothing is ever perfect. And Ian hurling the wrench across the garage was the beginning of our end, the start of the destruction of my new dreams.

We just didn’t know it then.

Chapter Nine

Ian

“Listen up, the forecast is rain. You know what that means.” Roman, our team manager, spoke as we all stood in a huddle next to the cars. “I need all of you to stay sharp. In these conditions, there’s no room for error.” He gave a pointed look to the mechanics. With rain, it wasn’t only that the road was dangerous; the tools got wet and slippery. It wasn’t unheard of that the pit stops would get messy, lasting longer than acceptable. And injuries happened.

“Feeling good guys? Max? Ian?”

“I’m fucking great. If it rains, it means we’ll finally have some real fun.” Max bounced on the balls of his feet. The kid was high on adrenaline. It was not a good combination-adrenaline and speed.

“Fuck, only you would say that when the death trap is announced,” I muttered, shaking my head and looking at him sideways.

It was no secret that I didn’t like the kid.