Page 68 of Searching for Mr Tilney

As I put the parasol back in its place, I noticed the little wooden box Mrs Partridge had left for me, on top of the japanned cabinet. I picked it up, and even though the painted lid was covered in a film of dirty varnish obscuring the image below, I knew if it were cleaned, it would show a picture of two lovers meeting in a wood exchanging gifts. I could feel my heart beating faster, and I hardly dared open it, though I felt disappointed when I saw there was nothing but a pad of cotton inside. But, when I happened to look underneath, just to make sure there were no chains or golden lockets to be found glittering there from another age, I discovered the greatest treasure of all. There was a piece of paper carefully cut into the shape of an octagon, and the blue-eyed, fair-haired young man that glanced back at me from his portrait was smiling, just as if he was watching a girl with a green parasol.

I just had to try it for size in my locket, and of course it fitted perfectly, and I couldn’t help thinking it had been left for me on purpose.

It was probably my imagination, but I felt I was being watched, and the presence of those past shadows were just visible for a second in the flickering rays of sunshine filtering through the window. And, as I closed the library door for the last time, I was sure I heard laughter, and the sound of two girls forever happy in a moment of time.

Chapter Thirty Five

Caroline

Fitzrovia, London

June 1976

I’d be lying if I said I’d just been getting on with my life as soon as I got back to London. Locking myself up for a couple of days and giving in to those feelings I’d pent up for so long really did help, though Piers threatened he wouldn’t make an appearance at my degree show if I didn’t at least make an attempt to get on with my final preparations and keep focussed for the big event. But, he was as lovely as ever, coming round to fuss over me, listening for hours and making soothing comments in all the right places. He insisted on being my date for the degree show, saying that Simon would join us later on once the proceedings were under way. I knew that Piers was right; it was time to leave the past behind, and I was determined to make a new start. I thought about how I’d wanted to stay in those other times I’d experienced, wishing I could live within the stories of those sisters I loved, but knowing I’d had to let Jane and Cassy go. I was still on that journey, but with a fresh beginning I felt I was ready to live my own life.

It was good to have something else to think about, getting dressed up, and taking time over my hair. I’d decided to wear a red silk maxi dress I’d designed especially for the occasion, and I was just getting out of the bath when the front doorbell rang. I knew it would be Piers, arriving several hours too early to help give an appraising eye over what I was wearing, and when it was obvious no one else was going to answer the door I grabbed a towel to wrap round me and ran downstairs.

But, when I threw back the door I was so shocked I couldn’t speak at first. Harry was standing there at the bottom of the steps, and I just stood staring at him, as if he were some kind of ghostly apparition.

‘Hello, Caroline,’ he said.

‘How did you find me?’ I managed to say eventually, still feeling stunned. And then we both said Piers’ name at precisely the same moment, and I knew, of course, it could be nobody else.

‘Can I come up … come in for a minute?’

He looked so gorgeous in denim jeans and a t-shirt the same colour as his eyes, that all I wanted to do was run down, and throw my arms round him, declaring what an idiot I’d been while begging his forgiveness, but he looked far too serious to attempt it, and even a bit cross.

‘I tried to see you in Bath … well, not see you exactly, but I had a letter I wanted to post … to you,’ I said, and thought how stupid I must sound.

‘Oh, I see … you were just going to deliver it, not even knock on the door and speak to me.’

His eyebrows were knitted together, but he still looked adorable with that sweep of a fringe flopping into his eyes. I couldn’t help looking at his mouth and a most untimely flashback of those lips kissing my naked skin came with such ferocity that I had to hang onto the door, and clutched my towel just a little bit tighter.

‘I just didn’t think I’d be able to say how sorry I was about everything that happened if I spoke to you face to face. Because I am sorry, really so very sorry that there are no words that will ever say how sorry I am, and I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me ever again … I don’t blame you at all. I honestly don’t know what happened to me while I was at the castle, or why I thought or said those terrible things, though to tell you the truth so many weird things had been happening to me over the last few months that I’d got to the stage where I was finding it hard to separate real life from fantasy. But, I know that’s not an excuse, and I just don’t think I can live with myself any longer knowing that you hate me, because I am such a horrible person. So, please say whatever it is you’ve come to say, I can take it.’

‘You’re not a horrible person; I know you’re not. If anyone’s at fault, it should be me that takes the blame. Everything at the castle was so difficult, and I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I couldn’t think straight. I wasn’t sleeping, my mind was stuck living in the ghastly past, but I don’t want to think about that any more. I just want to tell you that I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. Can you ever forgive me?’

‘Can I forgive you? There’s nothing to forgive, truly.’

Harry walked up the steps until he was standing right in front of me. ‘Are you going to ask me in or are we going to argue on the steps all day long?’

‘I’m going to ask you in.’

‘You’re still blocking the door, and you’re beginning to attract quite a crowd dressed like that.’

‘I just want to look at you … I can’t believe you’re here, and saying nice things to me.’

‘I can say a lot more if you let me in.’

‘Like what? Give me a clue,’ I said, laughing at him, as I felt his hands go round my waist.

He leaned forward and kissed me with the lightest touch on my cheek. ‘Like how much I love you, and how you are the most incredible, beautiful and wonderful girl I’ve ever met. You smell gorgeous too.’

‘Right … well, in that case, I think you can come in, though only on one condition.’

‘And what’s that?’

‘That you hold me in your arms, and tell me all over again.’