Page 55 of Searching for Mr Tilney

‘Yes, though I’ve been discovering he does have a serious side … he’s a great one for reflection.’

‘Did he tell you he’s thinking of becoming a vicar? I can’t quite imagine him in front of a congregation, but it’s an idea he can’t seem to stop thinking about.’

‘Not in so many words. I got the impression he wants to make a difference in the world … be involved in projects for the good of others. He told me he wanted to go back to Africa.’

‘Yes, he loved it there. What about you, Caroline … what are your ambitions?’

‘I’d like to work in fashion in some way, though I’ve not quite decided which way to go. But, compared with Harry, and what he wants to achieve, I feel the world I want to work in is rather frivolous and shallow.’

‘Well, I can’t think of much that gives me greater pleasure in life than thinking about new clothes and how I’m going to wear them. I think fashion fulfils a need in us all to be creative. It’s such a huge part of our culture … it’s both art and self-expression.’

‘Oh, Elsa, you’re really kind to say so. I must admit I love to think of fashion as an aesthetic movement, so I can justify saying that it’s up there with literature and painting, but sometimes I’m not sure. And, I just don’t know if it’s capable of changing the world. I wish I had a noble calling like Harry.’

‘I think when you use the talents you’ve been given; you’re answering a calling. Anyway, I can’t wait to see your first collection … I do hope you’ll invite me to your degree show.’

‘Of course, it’s at the end of June; I’d love you both to come. And, what about you, Elsa? What are you planning to do after your exams?’

‘With luck, I hope to get a job in publishing or journalism where my research skills might come in useful … working in London.’

‘You don’t want to stay in Bath then?’

‘No, though I love it there, I really want to work in London, like Harry. He’s been talking about it a lot lately. I think he’d love to have a parish there some day. And apart from all the fun of being young in London, all the theatres, galleries and shops, I know there’s another attraction.’

‘What’s that?’ I asked, not really wanting to know her answer.

‘You, of course,’ said Elsa. ‘We’d both love to see more of you, and being in London might just be the answer.’

As I watched Elsa’s hair whipping back in the strong wind, her lovely face grinning back at me, I couldn’t help but smile and think that the future might not be so bleak after all.

We went back inside for lunch, and just as I thought we wouldn’t see Harry until later, he appeared. There was a slightly dishevelled, just got out of bed look about him, which made him look particularly endearing, and I have to record that my heart started pounding.

Elsa said she had some things to catch up on and left, which I’m sure wasn’t strictly true, but it was lovely to be left on our own.

‘So, what would you like to do this afternoon?’ Harry asked. ‘We could go for a walk down to the beach or look round the harbour and the village. Elsa only did half the tour, so we could finish going round the rest of the castle.’

‘I’d love to go for a walk. I know it sounds silly, but I don’t want to see the castle in one go. I’ve loved what I’ve seen so far and I’d like to savour it if that makes sense.’

‘Well, it’s a good idea to go out while the weather is good, and we can take Randolph. He’ll be here in a minute anyway, his lead in his mouth.’

Sure enough, Randolph appeared moments later, his tail wagging excitedly to see us both, and we set off shortly afterwards, heading across the quadrangle and back through the gatehouse down to the steps I’d come up on the night I arrived. But we didn’t go all the way back down, as Harry said there was a short cut along another path, and I couldn’t help thinking why we hadn’t come that way on the night in question, though it soon became clear as we found ourselves on a rocky coastal path. If I’d worried about falling into the sea on the night we came, I would really have panicked if we’d walked along the rutted track in the dark.

The path was narrow, and I had to watch my footing because there were lots of small pieces of shingle and rock. In some parts the path had burrowed its way very close to the edge of the sea, and though the sight of the water writhing and churning below, foaming against treacherous rocks was spectacular, it was quite frightening to think that one false step could have you plunging down to your death below.

Harry had hardly spoken a word since we’d left, and at one point when he stopped to look over the water, I couldn’t help but register something in his face, an expression full of sadness. I was feeling very sorry that he’d made no attempt to hold my hand, let alone have any other physical contact. The atmosphere was somewhat strained between us, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Perhaps he was thinking it was all a mistake, and seeing me in a place he loved had made him look at me differently. I was sure I’d disappointed him in some way.

In the end I had to speak. ‘Is everything okay, Harry? You seem a little upset this morning.’

‘I’ll be fine in a moment. I’m sorry … it’s just that we really shouldn’t have come this way.’

‘Why ever not … what’s wrong?’ An inexplicable feeling of dread washed over me, and despite the sun I felt chilled to the bone.

Harry paused. He looked as if he blinked back tears, but my eyes were watering in the strong gusts blowing across the landscape, so I didn’t think anything of it until he spoke again. ‘My aunt fell and died here … it was a terrible accident … one that changed us all.’

I couldn’t speak immediately; it was such a shock to hear those words. ‘Oh, Harry, I’m so very sorry. This is all my fault; we should never have come.’

‘No, it’s not your fault … I could have taken you a different route. I wanted to come, as a way of paying my respects, if you know what I mean. But, now I’m here I’m wishing I hadn’t.’

We stood in silence for a moment or two, during which I was sure Harry was offering up a silent prayer, and he seemed to cheer up a little after that. He wanted to talk about it; that was clear.