Page 34 of Searching for Mr Tilney

I heard him laugh, and say something else to Thomas that I couldn’t hear because his voice was so low. I could not look up any longer and closing my eyes briefly, I felt the duke’s fingers stroke my cheek before he removed his hand, turning once more to the housekeeper.

‘Mrs Edwards, I shall not interrupt you from your tour further,’ he said, and the housekeeper hurried after him out of the room, saying she was sorry she’d not been there to meet him when he arrived.

‘I want to go home, Thomas,’ I said. I couldn’t describe my emotions, but my feelings were completely disordered. I needed to see my sister, and my parents, and suddenly wished for Steventon, and everything familiar. I wanted to get away from the suffocating house and its dark interiors with ghosts lurking in every corner and every picture. I wanted to run away. ‘May we go now, please?’

‘Before we’ve seen the rest of the house? The gardens are very fine, you know. And the duke might like to play cricket with us … I daresay he’d find a cricketing girl very amusing. He clearly likes you.’

‘No!’ I was aware my voice sounded high-pitched, and urgent, but I really didn’t want to stay a moment longer. Thomas looked at me as if he couldn’t make me out, and then his expression softened.

‘You do look a little done for … it must be the heat and the spruce beer.’

Mrs Edwards chose that moment to reappear and say she would have to attend the duke now he’d arrived unexpectedly. ‘Though the Lord knows how long he’ll be here for. If I know him he’ll be back to Grosvenor Square in a day or two. Don’t forget me to your grandfather, young Master Thomas, tell him Mary misses him.’

‘Who is Mary?’ I asked Thomas as we bounded down the great staircase where even the leopards on the newel posts seemed to thrust their shields in our faces, baring their teeth to hasten us away.

‘Oh, that’s Mrs Edwards … she’s always been very fond of my grandfather.’

It was a very confusing world, the one which adults inhabited, I thought. And, once again, I did not think I wished to join it.

Chapter Seventeen

It really felt as if I were escaping, running down the green slope at the front of the house with Thomas careering behind me. Several times he called out for me to stop, but I just ignored him. I looked behind me to see him catching me up, and was sure I saw a figure at one of the mullioned windows watching us. It made me run harder, and I didn’t want to stop until I was as far away as possible. By the time we ran through the iron gate, he’d caught me up. I slammed it shut, and leaned against it - the cold iron seeping into my back like a block of cold ice, and the noise seemed to echo all around sending the birds squawking and flapping into the trees.

‘What is the matter with you?’ Thomas shouted. ‘Anyone would think the devil himself was chasing after you.’

I couldn’t get my breath - I’d run so hard, and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my mouth and dance on the grass at my feet. I couldn’t stop thinking about the distressing pictures, and what the duke had said, or the way he’d looked at me - I could still feel his fingers stroking my face, and probing the flesh beneath my chin. I felt so wretched I burst into tears.

‘Good heavens,’ said Thomas in a gentler voice, ‘what is this all about? Please don’t cry … my dear little cousin, please tell me what has upset you so much.’

I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t explain, though I knew inside I felt as if I were teetering on the verge of some momentous event, about to witness an irreversible change in the universe, and in myself. I just sobbed, even though I wished I could stop, and then Thomas took my hand and pulled me into his arms, and just held me tight. I buried my head into his shirt, and his kind heart, and the clean scent of him soon worked their magic. He was my protector, my hero and my friend, and from that day I loved him.

***

Mr Humphry arrived shortly after we returned, and immediately went off to see G-U-F in his study, so I made haste to wash and change my gown before my mother had a chance to scold me for its grubby appearance. I was to put on my new gauze gown, and the little gold earrings I’d been given as a present from Aunt Leigh-Perrot. By the time I’d finished getting ready I felt quite pleased with my appearance, and I picked up the green parasol before heading downstairs.

‘You’re looking rather brown, Jane,’ said my mother following me downstairs. ‘You must remember to take your parasol with you next time. I do not think spending so much time outdoors is good for one’s complexion, and I hope you’ve been keeping within the confines of the grounds. Uncle Frank says there is a gypsy encampment in the woods … it is not safe to walk alone beyond the boundaries.’

‘Yes, Mama,’ I replied, as demurely as I could, thinking of my adventure with Thomas, and glad that we’d remembered to collect my bonnet on the way back. I knew I could not tell her about any of it, and when questioned I merely said I’d enjoyed my ride, as usual. I didn’t dare tell her there was someone far more dangerous than the gypsies in the woods, but I felt equal to the memory of it now we were removed far away from Knole. I remembered the duke’s grey eyes, and his dark intense looks, and I knew I’d seen his expression before. I’d seen my brothers looking into my cousin Eliza’s eyes in just the same way, an expression that could only be described as a violence of feeling, something wanton and all possessing. It frightened me, and I wondered that Eliza could meet such looks in so carefree a fashion, but to be flirtatious was her special delight, and as a married woman with a child I saw that she felt free enough to indulge in her favourite pastime.

G-U-F came into the parlour and asked us if we were ready for Mr Humphry.

‘He’s waiting in the study and getting his paint prepared,’ he said, ‘so I told him you would not be long. Cassy, you are to sit first, but before you go in I have a little gift to discharge to you both.’

He walked over to the bureau and opened a drawer, producing two velvet boxes from its depths. He put them into our hands, saying, ‘Go on, don’t wait to open them; I want to see what you think.’

I watched Cassy open her box first, and heard her cry of delight at the pair of topaz earrings she found inside. ‘Thank you, Uncle Frank; they are the most beautiful earrings I ever possessed. May I wear them for my portrait?’ she asked.

‘That’s precisely what I thought they’d do for,’ said dear G-U-F, and then he turned to me. ‘Well, miss, what are you waiting for … Christmas?’

He then proceeded to laugh at his own joke, but as everyone was looking at him instead of me I opened the box expecting to find a similar gift. But, I found a locket instead, a gold octagon by design, threaded on a white ribbon to match my dress. The pendant was most unusual, and contained a portrait miniature of G-U-F, though I couldn’t help thinking it would have been lovely to have a portrait of my parents instead. I wondered if he guessed something of my thoughts for in his next breath, he said, ‘There’s room for a lover too, you know, a secret space inside.’

And then he roared with laughter again, and everyone joined in whilst I stood with flaming cheeks. And it didn’t stop there.

‘And was there a message for me up at the big house?’ he asked, his eyes twinkling.

There was no Thomas to help or protect me now. I hesitated, but I knew I had no choice but to answer.

‘Mrs Mary Edwards said to tell you that she misses you.’