Page 74 of Lift Me Up

"Angela, Joseph, Holly and Joe, welcome!"

Birdie glances up to me and I give her a head pat to wash away the fear she senses. The family stops in front of us, the kids end up on their knees surrounding Birdie. She doesn't seem fazed by it, but I want to tell them to get away from her.

"This is Georgia, Birdie's foster home. Oh, sorry. Brandie."

Brandie? I look at the worker with a look of confusion, and they flash me a look that says to me, this isn’t your dog anymore.

"She's beautiful. You've done a great job." The mother, Angela, tells me. I tighten on the leash for a moment and swallow hard.

"Thank you," I say through gritted teeth.

"Well, we better get going." The father, Joseph, clears his throat and does that stereotypical dad motion of clapping his hands and rubbing them together to signal his being ready to leave.

But I am far from being ready for them to leave. If they leave, they take my Birdie with them. The kids pull at the leash until it drops from my fingers.

"Wait!" I say to the family, who is fully expecting Birdie to go willingly with them. She stays where she is, and I kneel to hug her, kiss her, and I try to not cry as I tell her I love her, over and over. The kids pull on the leash, I want to pull back. "You'll come back to me, baby girl. I know it. We'll be together again someday. Be good, okay?"

As if in response, Birdie gives me a kiss, and I watch her walk away hesitantly behind the two rambunctious kids. I don't start fully crying until she's hopped into the car with her new family, her new life as Brandie.

"So!" The rescue worker claps her hands, "Were you looking to foster again? We have plenty of new rescues who need homes⁠—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I turn to her, not caring how gross my face must look from crying. I can imagine the blotches of pink coming down my neck and heating my chest. "Did you seriously just ask me that while I am losing the dog that I chose—that chose me—that you gave away to... that?" I wave angrily at the place where the family once was.

"I don't mean to offend. Usually foster homes try to fill that empty space with a new foster to love-"

"I loved her!" I shout, watching the woman jump back. I don't care that I look disgusting, sound awful, that I've made her feel some type of way. "I wanted her. I wanted to foster fail with her. I begged for you to pick me, and you still chose wrong. If that dog comes back differently and fails adoption again, that's not because of me. That's all because of you. You can consider my foster account closed. If Birdie comes back, I want to know. That's all I ask."

"Okay." The girl nods, shell shocked.

"Look, I know you're not the one who decided where Birdie was adopted to⁠—"

"Actually, I am. Partly. There's a board, we all decide on the applications... But I voted for you, if that makes you feel better."

A funny feeling washes over me. I feel chilled to the bone where I stand. "Who are the other members?"

"Hm? Oh. Uh, there's me, and then there's Mary, Leo, Charlene, Noah⁠—"

The ringing in my ears grows louder. I just hear his name over and over.

Noah, Noah, Noah.

"I've got to go."

The tightrope snaps. My broken heart left behind as I walk away.

Now it's a heart of ice.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

NOAH

Idon’t have it in me to write a list right now, and that’s how I know I have hit rock bottom.

I have never been one to give up on anything in my life. I can remember this as far back as my childhood, when I played Little League Baseball. I was undoubtedly the worst player on the team, all gangly limbs and baby deer on new legs sort of balance. I arguably spent more time on the bench than I did on the field, and by the end of the season I had effectively earned my place as the team's water boy handing out snacks when someone returned to the team pit. All that said, it was never my decision to stop my baseball career before it ever got started, my parents just determined that their money could be more fruitful elsewhere, and I didn't have the heart to argue with them at the ripe old age of six.

It is not in my nature to give up on things even if they don't seem to have very promising endings. I always try to see the good, to strive for the potential of something great or what could be, even when the road looks bleak or that it doesn't seem worth it. I still try to give it a shot and I don't half ass it. Even though there are many, many reasons why another person might throw in the towel and call it the end, I just can't quit her.

In all honesty, I don't think Georgie knows that her actions have such an effect on people, me specifically. I truly believe it all stems from her not knowing how to fight for herself anymore. And if she can't do that, then why would she think it's worth fighting for me?