Page 105 of Clinically Awkward

“Technically, Colton assaulted you first. We were simply defending your honor. Very chivalrous, really. The Knights of the Round Table would be proud.”

“We’re going to have criminal records.”

“Builds character,” Fitz said sagely. “Besides, all the best people have been arrested at least once. It’s practically a rite of passage.”

Officer Margaret glanced back at us. “Are you two done?”

“Almost, darling,” Fitz said. Then he turned to me, grinning. “No worries, mate. I have everything under control. I have Winnie’s number memorized!”

“That’s not reassuring.”

“Of course it is. Winnie’s brilliant in a crisis. Terrifying, but brilliant. She’ll have us out in no time. Probably. After she’s done yelling. There will be yelling.”

“So much yelling,” I agreed.

“But then she’ll bail us out.”

“Will she?”

“Absolutely. She loves me.”

“She hates you.”

“Same thing, really. Very thin line.”

I closed my eyes.

We were all going to die, but at least we’d die together.

In jail.

Because of Fitz.

Again.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Vivian

I was on my third slice of pizza and my second episode of The Great British Bake Off when I realized my life had become a cautionary tale.

This is what happens when you let men make decisions, I thought, shoving another bite of pepperoni into my mouth. This is what happens when you trust Fitz with literally anything.

On screen, Mary Berry was critiquing someone’s soggy bottom with the kind of polite devastation only the British could achieve.

I related to that soggy bottom on a spiritual level.

My phone sat on the coffee table, face down, because I was not checking it. I was not thinking about Quinton at a bar with Colton. I was not imagining the inevitable disaster that was currently unfolding at The Rusty Nail.

I was fine. Totally fine. Just a woman, her pizza, and the soothing sounds of competitive baking.

“The texture is all wrong,” Mary said on screen.

“Tell me about it,” I muttered, reaching for another slice.

My day had started with such promise. I was going to break up with Colton. Clean break. Simple, professional, and then Fitz happened.

Fitz always happens.