Page 104 of Glutton for Punishment

I swallow hard. “Being a destructive monster myself and all,” my voice cracks. “Who am I to talk about morality?”

He is on his feet instantly. “You are not a monster. It was an accident, Arwen. You have to know that.”

“Yeah, well…there seems to be a lot of accidents in this family’s vicious quest for power. And I just added to them. Guess I really am one of you after all.”

His face shutters, the briefest wince tightening his features as my words land. I see it… the raw sting of being lumped in with the very cruelty he condemns from his siblings.

The hurt in his eyes makes me wish I could claw the words back out of the air.

“That’s not what I meant…”

“I know.” His voice is quiet now. “But I understand.”

“Maddox, I know you aren’t them. They are so much worse…” I continue softly, “and I know that you are trying to do what you think is right.”

Guilt claws at my throat as I step closer and his eyes lift to mine.

“But you are still part of this system. And I see what it’s doing to you.” My voice shakes. “What it’s doing to me.”

He goes still.

“I’ve been here a month,” I whisper, tears burning again, “and I already hurt someone because I got careless. Because I got caught up in alliances and strategy and us-versus-them and forgot there are innocent people trapped in the middle of all of this.”

My voice breaks.

“If I stay here… I will become this.”

His face drains. “What are you saying?”

I force the words out before I can lose my nerve. “If the Council permits, I’d like to return to the academy. I need to learn control and I need to understand my power before anyone else gets hurt.”

“And if they don’t allow you to go?” he asks, and I swallow.

“Then I want to go home. To Wrath.”

His expression turns stricken. “No. Arwen—no. It isn’t safe.”

“It’s safer than staying here! Safer than what I become when I involve myself with all this fighting and political maneuvering.”

His voice rises. “I can protect you!”

I step forward until I’m in front of him. Lifting my hand, I cup his cheek. His eyes search mine desperately. “You can’t protect me from myself. I don’t want to be away from you, but if I need to leave to keep people safe, I will. I’m sorry.”

Before he can stop me, I turn and walk away.

Chapter 30

Arwen

Two weeks since I told Maddox I was leaving. Two weeks of careful smiles and careful words, of navigating around each other like there isn’t something fractured sitting in the middle of every room we share. He hasn’t come to sleep in my bed since.

And now Cleo and Tabby are leaving. I wrap my arms around both of them so hard that I think I might bruise someone.

“This isn’t goodbye forever,” I say, forcing brightness into my voice even as tears sting behind my eyes.

I’m not sure that is true, but I have to stay positive.

“Atticus is on my side. He’s working to get me back into the academy.” I pull back enough to look between them. “I have a power now. They have no reason to say no.”