Page 84 of Thin Ice

"Alexander. Have you changed your mind?"

I didn't look at him. I looked at my mother.

"Mom."

"Alex, honey—"

"How are you going to let him do this?"

She didn't answer. Her hands were in her lap. She was wearing the blue cardigan she wore every morning, her hair down, and she looked tired in a way that makeup hadn't fixed.

"Don't you love me?"

"Of course I love you. Of course I—"

"Then how are you sitting here?"

"Alexander," my father said. "If you've come to have a conversation, sit down. If you've come to make a scene—"

"I'm not talking to you."

The room went quiet. My father's hand stilled on his coffee cup.

I kept looking at my mother. "I talked to James."

Her face changed.

"I know what he went through. Alone, without support. And none of you cared enough to pick up the phone." I paused. "Is that what I'm going to be?"

My mother's eyes started to tear up.

"Is that what I'm going to be, Mom?"

"That's enough," my father said.

I looked at him. Finally. His face was composed. My grandfather's Patek on his wrist.

"Why can't you just say what this is?" I said. "Forget the trust. Forget the tuition. Forget the enrollment package. Say what this actually is."

"This is about your future, Alexander. It's always been—"

"This is about me being gay."

The word landed on the table.

"This is about Liam. This has always been about that. I'm your gay son and you can't say it. You've made up all of this stuff. All of it, just because you can't say it."

My father's jaw worked. His hands were flat on the table.

"I could be gay and follow every plan you've ever made for me. Every single one. I could row for Kingswell, graduate with honors, go to law school, run your fund, marry a man and raise kids with your last name. I could do all of it. But you've made it one or the other. Gay or a Harrington. And that's your choice. Not mine."

The room was silent.

"I'm choosing myself over you. I already did. I'm telling you again so you hear it."

My father didn't speak.

I looked at my mother. "So, what are you going to do?"