Page 26 of Defensive Indifference

I check the clock. Okay, so we are a few minutes late.

When the car is in park, Dustin bolts and makes it all the way to the field before I’m even out the door. The kid is getting way too attached to a man who, despite showing interest in him right now, probably won’t be a part of his life for the long term. Somehow, I have to remind him that Mr. Keaton is not a friend. He’s merely doing something kind for a child he thinks has potential. As for me…he’s…a professional helping my son.

Dustin practically leaps onto Koa when he reaches him, but stops just short and gives him a high five before pointing back to his slow-moving mother. The sun beats down on me just as fiercely as it did during the first one-on-one, but I notice the benches have been moved to the shade. Mercifully, it isn’t as miserable as I anticipated.

Koa nods a hello and returns his attention to Dustin. Within minutes, the two are in the zone and I’m lost in my own thoughts. How did I get here? How did I end up in this traffic jam of bad luck and dead ends? Life seems to throw me one curveball after another, and despite praying—and doing my best to follow Annie’s advice to listen and be patient—it seems like there’s no light at the end of this tunnel. If there is, it’s probably a train. Life feels sped up, going so fast that I can’t keep up. I’m falling behind in everything—business, motherhood, and even friendship. With Annie as my only real friend, I feel stuck. Spinning my wheels in the same place, only that place will soon be ripped out from under me.

My thoughts are interrupted when Koa sits beside me on the bench, dripping sweat, but wearing a broad smile. “You all right? I was calling your name, but you seem not all right.”

My cheeks warm and I lower my gaze to the dirt. “I was daydreaming, that’s all.”

“Ah, well, nothing wrong with that.” He brushes his fingers over the back of my hand, regaining my attention. His grin fades into something more serious. “I wanted to talk to you about Dustin.”

My heart pauses. Whatever comes out of his mouth has the power to ruin my son, especially if it’s something akin to I have to stop meeting with him or he doesn’t have the talent I thought he did. Holding my breath, I nod for him to continue.

“I legitimately think he has the sort of raw talent that makes a pro. I’m not exactly sure how you feel about that, and I wanted to discuss it before we go any farther.”

Shifting my weight so I’m facing him, I zone in on that last part. “Go any farther? What do you mean? I thought I was already doing all I could.”

Koa raises his hand to calm my nerves. “No, of course you are. He’s doing great, but if you want to really hammer in and give him an option, there are camps you can send him to. They help kids with this sort of talent to develop their skills and set them up for a chance to go pro. At the very least, it could put him through college.”

“He’s a kid. I want most for him to have a good childhood, not to be pressured into adult decisions. What are these camps like?”

Koa scoots closer. I take an inch back, but it doesn’t put much distance between us. “Some of them are rigid and pretty intense. Others are a little more laid-back. I know what you mean about him being a kid, and I don’t disagree with your standpoint. I only wanted to give you options you might not be aware of. I can easily get him into any of them this summer.”

“One that won’t impact his…” I wave my hands around a little, unsure how to explain that I want my son to be small forever. “You know, being a kid.”

“There’s one that’s only two weeks and it’s closer to the end of the summer, but it is a little harder to get in. They focus on the child’s best skill, and truly, it’s meant for some a bit more advanced than Dustin. Still, I know the guy who runs it. I think he’ll make an exception.”

Two weeks isn’t that bad. Dustin can still do our church camp and other things with his friends. The other obstacle is cost.

“How much would something like that cost?”

Koa winces. “He’d need his own equipment, and the camp itself is a few hundred a week. I can get more details for you from my friend.”

Defeat swallows my heart whole. I brush the sweat from my forehead and clear my throat. “Uh, as much as I appreciate the offer, that’s really not in our budget this year. Maybe he can work on some things and try again next summer.”

“I think his best bet is for us to get him started as soon as we can. I can see if—”

Irritation flames through my body, forcing me to spring to my feet. “With all due respect, I appreciate your investment in my child, but this is my decision. There is no we with regard to my son’s future, only me. Cost might not be a concern for you, Mr. Keaton, but it certainly is for me. I have to feed him, clothe him, educate him, and put a roof over his head, and that means some other things just won’t happen.”

Koa sits, wide-eyed, as I give him a piece of my mind. Eventually, it seems his mind catches up and he stands to meet me. “Evalina, I was not insinuating that I have any say in Dustin’s future, only that—”

“Good. I’m glad we agree. Now, I have to go.”

“But his practice just started.” Koa motions toward the field where the other children and Dustin have joined their coach for the regular practice. In my frustration and annoyance, I’d forgotten we still had that to do. Wonderful. Now I have to put up with Mr. Perfect Life for another hour.

I huff and sit back down on the bench with crossed arms and a scowl.

Koa sits beside me. “Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I thought that was behind us. Am I wrong?”

I grit my teeth. “No.”

His blond hair drips with sweat. He didn’t have to come out here in the hot Georgia weather to work with Dustin, but he did. Now I’m treating him like enemy number one because I can’t afford to do everything possible to offer my child a shot at a dream.

“No, it’s not behind us, or no, I’m not wrong?”

“I love my son,” is all I can manage to force from my constricting throat. My eyes burn with unshed tears, but I refuse to allow them to fall. I have to be stronger, hold it together for the sake of my child.