Page 54 of The Scottish Island Inn

‘Sure. Take some time.’ Simon was affable, generous of spirit, all of a sudden. She felt a little suspicious – usually, Simon was only like this when he wanted something. This time, apparently, what he wanted was her.

But the distance from Simon had given Sorrel perspective and closure, and now, she knew what she wanted and deserved in a partner. Simon wasn’t it. She had to find a way to make him understand that.

The irony was that Tam had been the one. Tam had – still did – feel like home. Tam was the one who made her heart feel full, the one who still made her want to dissolve into his strong arms. But she had pushed Tam away, and, despite whatever Dom thought, it was too late to repair what had been broken. Tam had had his heart torn apart twice – once by her leaving, and once by Beth dying.

I can’t hurt him again, Sorrel thought. It’s too high stakes for us to be involved now. I can’t risk breaking Tam Blackwood’s heart any more.

THIRTY

They drove past a long lawn and a maze. The sun shone down on them; clouds drifted lazily, mirrored in the loch. Balhennie Castle rose above them, vast and strong, its turrets sharp against the sky.

It was a perfect day. But Sorrel knew without a doubt that Simon Matthews wasn’t the perfect man for her.

She’d known it for a long time. Known it every time he belittled her, every time he was angry, or ignored her, or made her feel like she somehow was too much. She wasn’t too much. She was Sorrel Balhennie, and she might not have known who her real father was, but she still knew that wasn’t enough for her.

Being home had made her realise that. The land under her feet had made her realise that. The clean air. The time to think.

The love of her sisters had made her remember who she was. The way that she saw herself through Bluebell’s eyes had made her realise that she wasn’t the girl who put up with someone being mean to her. She was the girl who made up stories and acted them out. She was the girl who played in the cold burn in the summer, and dug up potatoes in the Inn’s gardens in the autumn. She was the one who had always looked after her sisters. She was strong, practical, resilient. Why wasn’t she looking after herself?

‘No, Simon. It’s not right between us. I can’t be who you want me to be.’ She pulled her hand away. ‘And the castle, and all of this…’ she gestured to the gardens, ‘this shouldn’t make a difference. Yes. I’ve been away a long time. But I’m me. And you should have loved me and wanted me for who I was without needing all of this to make a new start. I was so sad in our relationship, Simon. I was so lonely. You wanted me to be… I don’t know. Some kind of fluffy little bunny girl. I’m not that. We aren’t right for each other.’

The car reached the end of the drive. Simon stopped, put the handbrake on and turned to her.

‘Sorrel. Please.’

‘I want to get out, Simon.’ She tried the door, but it wouldn’t open. ‘Let me out.’

‘In a minute.’ He leaned in towards her, as if he was going to kiss her. ‘I know you want to come back. I’ll make it easy for you. You’re proud. So, I’ll be the one to kiss you. I came all this way for you, after all.’

Sorrel recoiled.

‘Simon! Let me out, now!’ She raised her voice, but Simon had reached for her and had pressed his mouth on hers.

She looked up to see Tam Blackwood standing outside the entrance to the castle, staring straight at them.

Oh, no.

He must have just got off the bus. She remembered that it stopped here.

She knew that, if Tam had looked into the car, it would have looked as though Simon had kissed her.

Before she could call out or think about how to react, Tam turned and walked away, briskly.

Panicking, Sorrel turned as far away as she could in her seat. She pulled at the handle of the door.

‘Simon! Get off me!’ she yelled. Simon drew back in surprise.

‘There’s no need to be so bitchy. I was just trying to kiss you.’

‘Let me out. Now!’ she screamed.

She wanted to go to Tam. Wanted to explain to him what was happening.

That Simon wasn’t the one she wanted to be with.

‘But… I don’t understand,’ Simon whined. ‘Can’t you just… can’t we just go back to how it was?’

‘No, Simon. Okay? No. I tried to be nice about it. But I can’t. I just can’t,’ she said, the fury rising in her. ‘You can’t think we were good together. You can’t have been happy.’