Page 85 of You + Me – Against the World

“Wait, I can make an exception!”

“Here, this is just a start.”

I hand him four small, bright red packages that he immediately starts tearing open, not even trying to hold back. His smile widens as he discovers the plastic motorcycle, mini surfboard, travel guide to Russia, and mini French dictionary I chose for him. He may be a Scrooge, but I swear his eyes are shining.

“You can teach to me?” he whispers in broken French, with an adorable American accent.

“I can do whatever you want me to.”

I love you, and only you.

“My turn,” he continues in English. “But I think we had the same idea.”

Vadim picks up his backpack from the ground, slides the zipper open, and pulls out a large, gray-and-white stuffed animal, with a shiny, black nose and perfectly round ears.

“They were out of live koalas at the store, so I got him. Until we get to Australia…”

I let out a cry of joy, touched.

“Alma?”

“Vadim?”

“You should go home before I start liking Christmas.”

He hugs me against him again, crushing the stuffed animal between us. A few kisses later, I head back home, my heart heavy from leaving him, but my head full of all those dreams waiting to come true.

And my stomach is in knots.

Because there is still one tiny, little thing I need to check.

Locked in my bathroom, I wait, fidgeting with my fingers as I perch on the edge of the bathtub. The instructions say six minutes. After three minutes, two minutes… faint, pink lines appear on the stick resting between my feet.

The more I stare at them, the darker they get.

I lean forward for a better look.

A tear splatters the spotless tile. And my dreams go up in smoke.

30

Overdose.

An overdose of foie gras, seafood, truffle appetizers, wild salmon, chocolates, and Christmas pudding, in a salute to my British grandparents. An overdose of forced smiles, outrageously expensive gifts no one will ever use, and awkward questions no one wants to answer. An overdose of good feelings, good wishes, and good resolutions. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! Wishing everyone good health.

And above all, no baby…

Everyone was relieved when Granny and Grandpa left—even them. Thrilled to return to their beloved England, they left with suitcases stuffed fuller than when they arrived. Everyone can finally breathe.

Except me. I can no longer act like what’s happening isn’t happening.

I’m pr—

I still haven’t found the courage to tell Vadim.

Clémentine guessed it, without me having to say a single word. She spent the holidays with us, happy to leave her dorm on the deserted campus for a house full of life. But Clem felt a certain melancholy for her too, no doubt, imagining her divorced parents each spending the holidays with their blended families. And my best friend didn’t complain once.

She designed and sewed several ghastly dresses with Lily, who declared that stripes and polka dots definitely went well together. She beat Basile at Final Fantasy on his new console; he grumbled that it was beginner’s luck. She cooked with my mother and Georgia, who exchanged tight smiles each time she dipped her finger into the preparations “just to taste” and “just one more time.”