Page 45 of You + Me – Against the World

“Yeah, but I’m not sure you’d understand, given that Daddy dearest isn’t here to explain it to you.”

I give him my finest middle finger.

“That’s good. You’re making progress,” Vadim quips. “Another two or three hours of banter like this, and you’ll be friends for life!”

“No thanks, I’m outta here. Do you have something for me, man?”

Vadim slips his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a small wad of crumpled dollar bills, which he hands to Felix without even the slightest effort to be discreet. I still don’t like this, but at least he’s not trying to hide it from me.

Finally, we’re alone.

Vadim drapes his arm over my shoulder, pulls me close to him, and leads me down the road. On the way, he whispers to me not to ask any questions until we arrive at his favorite restaurant. And to keep the place a secret. Just for us. It feels strange to me that he’s opening the door to a little corner of his hidden world. It makes me happy. So, to get a little closer to him, I use the excuse of checking whether he still has money hidden away and slip my hand into his back pocket. He smiles. I think he looks happy, too.

In the small, dimly lit, almost empty restaurant, we order two burgers as Billie Eilish plays softly in the background. The atmosphere is intimate and peaceful. Vadim looks drop-dead gorgeous in his beige T-shirt—I’d gotten so used to seeing him in black. I could stay there, drowning in his blue-gray eyes, without eating or speaking, for hours.

I just wish there were nothing else but this. Him + Me. This connection, so natural, so precious. But so fragile. I want him to keep looking at me like that, to make me laugh, tease me, seduce me, and unsettle me. Suddenly, I have no desire to hear his explanations anymore. They could ruin everything.

We eat by stealing food from each other’s plates. I take his ice cubes, and he holds the ketchup hostage. We chat about the music, the decor, the overly salty fries, the barely baked brownie, the latest series we’ve been watching. Like a normal couple would.

But it isn’t long before Vadim’s expression changes. Darkens.

“So, are you ready for me to tell you everything?”

“I think so…”

“You’re the one who asked me to, Alma.”

“I know.”

“You had a lot more to say when we were with Felix,” he murmurs teasingly. “Do you want me to get him to come here?”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.”

He leans back in his seat and looks at me—long enough that butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach.

“I’m ready to tell you everything, or almost everything. But not if you judge me. Not if you try to make me change my life. And not if you get that frightened look you had the first time I talked to you.”

“I’m not scared tonight, and I wasn’t scared the first time either.”

“Liar.”

His little smirk is just enough to irritate me.

“You’re the one who’s scared, Vadim. You keep dancing around the subject, doing everything you can to put off this moment!”

“I just don’t want you to drop everything and run once I’ve told you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Unless you lie to me. Or unless you killed someone.”

“What, you wouldn’t help me bury the body? Lancaster, I thought you were more badass than that!”

His deep voice, his playful look, the way he runs his hand through his hair… Everything unsettles me, and I start spouting nonsense. “No. I mean, yes. Well, maybe…”

“I haven’t killed anyone, Alma.”

“Stop messing with me and spill it, Arcadi.”

He nods silently.