Page 124 of You + Me – Against the World

I was hoping to talk to Vadim, but it seems like the whole college has started hanging out on this messaging platform.

Team-Tim: Are you there?

Team-Tim: Al?

Could I just log off and leave without saying anything, like when you awkwardly cross the street to avoid someone you know after you’ve already caught each other’s eye?

Team-Tim: Well, either you’re there and ignoring me, so I look like an idiot right now… or you’re not there, and I’ll look like an idiot when you read this.

Honestly, how could he think such a narcissistic username was a good idea?

Team-Tim: Classes started again a week ago, and I haven’t seen you on campus once.

Probably because I’m avoiding you, Timothy…

Team-Tim: And for the past week, I’ve been thinking about that last night at camp…

Team-Tim: Actually, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Team-Tim: I’m sorry if I went about it the wrong way.

Team-Tim: I’d had a little too much to drink.

Is it really that hard to type everything you want to say at once and click “Send” just the one time?

Team-Tim: But that doesn’t change the fact that I meant everything I said.

Team-Tim: I miss you, Alma.

Team-Tim: I could behave better if you gave me a chance.

And there I was, thinking I’d been crystal clear about the total impossibility of anything happening between us ever again.

Team-Tim: It’s because it drives me crazy seeing you with him.

Team-Tim: I’m not myself these days.

Team-Tim: Even at basketball, I can’t do it anymore. My mind is somewhere else. I think about us a lot…

Team-Tim: Well, that’s all I wanted to say, so I’ll stop there.

Team-Tim: Let me know if you want to go grab a drink, say tomorrow night after class…

Team-Tim: I’m free.

Team-Tim: See ya, Al.

He signs off with the kissing emoji that has a heart on its lips… And I cringe.

I wait for him to log off before typing my reply. Not very brave on my part, maybe, but it’s not like I haven’t already tried talking to him face to face. At least this way, there will be a record of it.

Alma_from_paris: Hi, Timothy. I meant everything I said to you in Catalina, too. I’d prefer it if we left it at that. I’m happy with Vadim, and I need you to respect my choice. We can stay friends, if that’s possible for you. If not, I completely understand. I’m sure you’ll meet a girl soon who will be much better for you than me. Take care.

I don’t know why I always have to end on a positive note. I’m incapable of being the bad guy, the one who disappoints or hurts people. I’ve spent so many years avoiding conflict and being terrified that someone might stop liking me.

I close my computer and flop backward onto my bed. Staring at the ceiling of my room, I realize that I’m at a turning point. Something has shifted this year. Before, the people around me barely knew I existed. Now that Vadim is in my life, boys are interested in me. I find myself having to compete with other girls—when that was the last thing I wanted to do—say no to Caleb and Tim despite being used to doing exactly what’s expected of me, and stand up to Cheyenne, when it goes against my very nature and character. Life has a way of making you grow up by teaching you the weirdest lessons.

That day, on campus, Mr. Abrams corners me before I have a chance to run into Vadim.