Page 160 of Modern Romance September 2026 Books 1-4

‘What was it like?’

He stared at her for a long moment. ‘What do you think? I’ve missed you.’

The words were so visceral and raw, so aching, that she did the only thing she could and closed the distance between them, doing what she’d wanted to do since he’d walked into her apartment. She pressed herself to his chest, wrapped her arms around his waist and listened to the steady yet fast beating of his heart. Did it still beat for her? Did he love her?

‘I’ve missed you, too,’ she sobbed, hands unlinking and pressing to either side of his spine. Why wasn’t he holding her back? Why wasn’t he wrapping his arms around her and returning this hug? Why wasn’t he saying that he wouldn’t go away again?

Because she hadn’t given him a reason to. She still wasn’t being brave. Not like he was.

She pulled back so she could look up into his face. ‘I was so wrong that morning, Javier, and you were right. You told me I was too scared to admit what you meant to me and I was. I was terrified. But only because I cared for you so damn much. Only because I knew that if I let you into my life, I’d be opening the door to more heartbreak than I could bear. I let you go and it’s been so much worse than I imagined. I have been miserable. I have missed you. And I’ve realised—how much I—’

‘Don’t.’ He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her, his eyes deep with emotion. ‘You don’t need to say it.’

‘Don’t tell me what I need,’ she parroted back, but with the beginning of a sense of doubt. Of worry. With a feeling that the world was unsteady beneath her feet and she didn’t know exactly why. ‘I’ve had a long time to think and to get to grips with how badly I messed up. And how much I wished I hadn’t pretended that we weren’t what you said. You deserved to hear me admit that I loved you, too.’

As she said it, she saw how true that was. This man, in particular, who’d been denied that love from people who should have given it freely.

‘You talk about doing a disservice to our relationship, that’s exactly what I did. And I’m so sorry for that, but now that you’re here, maybe we can just—’

‘I’m not staying.’ He reached down, behind his back, caught her hands and removed them, then took a step away from her. Her skin flushed hot, then cold. ‘I needed you to know the truth and as you wouldn’t take my calls, this was the only option. But it doesn’t change anything between us, Astrid. It can’t.’

Her heart stammered to a stop. ‘What?’

‘You will always be protecting yourself and you will always need to control your feelings.’

‘I’m telling you I love you,’ she said, shaking her head, as tears slipped down her cheeks.

‘And tomorrow, you might tell me you don’t.’ His nostrils flared, in a sign that he was feeling this far more deeply than he was letting on. ‘Tomorrow, you might tell me you want to go back to Plan A and find someone dull and dreary and suitable to marry. I will not live with that hanging over my head.’

‘I won’t,’ she whispered, pressing her hands to her lips. A sob burst from her.

‘You will do whatever is best for you and your people. That’s who you are.’

‘You’re what’s best for me.’

‘I thought so, once upon a time,’ he admitted. ‘The thing is, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m wrong now. But I’m not prepared to risk it again. Don’t you get it, Astrid? You broke my heart and up until I met you, I would have said I didn’t have a heart to break. There is no part of me that wants to go through this again.’

‘I made a mistake.’

He dipped his head once. ‘And I can’t forgive you for it.’ He moved towards the door. At first, she watched him go, just as she had last time.

But then, she moved, following behind him. ‘Please don’t leave,’ she cried. It was agony, a fresh spurt of pain. ‘Please…’

‘There’s no future here,’ he said. ‘I just wanted you to know that I did love you—far too much to sleep with some other woman so soon.’

‘Can’t you see that’s because you still care about me? Because a part of you wants this?’

‘Oh, I know a part of me wants this, wants you, and always will. But I learned my lesson, Astrid. I’ll never forget it.’

It was, quite possibly, the cruellest thing he could have said, because it made her see that she was just like Carlotta, to him. He’d offered love and she’d withheld her own.

‘I learned my lesson, too, Javier. If you give me a second chance, I promise, I will never hurt you again. You are my heart and soul. I love you with every part of me. I know I will for ever.’

The only sign that he’d heard was the straightening of his spine. A moment later, he was gone and she was more bereft than she’d known it possible to feel.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

IT HAD ALMOST destroyed him to leave her. Seeing her cry, knowing he had the power to drive that grief from her, knowing she’d only acted as she had to, to protect herself, as she’d learned to act because of her grief.