Page 94 of Modern Romance September 2026 Books 5-8

But I have one use for women. As for men, I have extremely limited use for them. They are either my right hand, or they are nothing. It is not a commentary on women, so much as on me. On my lack of bonding with anyone.

“This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen,” she says as we walk through the thick jungle of trees. Borneo is beautiful. I cannot dispute that. Though, I’ve been coming here for so many years, and for so many reasons that are unsavory, I often don’t pause to marvel at the beauty.

I do not pause.

There is always another job, always another task. Just like now.

Right now I have to finish this. Finish my father, and finish even the work of my grandfather.

It’s the only way that I can make a world safe for my child.

But I’m now noticing the beauty of the day.

We continue walking down a path that leads to a white sand beach surrounded by green.

“I’ve never seen water like this,” she says. “The Pacific is like iron. Yes, parts of it are very blue, depending on the day, but sometimes it’s so cold. Imposing. And not like this. Not clear and vivid.”

“Have you not been to any of the beaches in Italy?”

She shakes her head. “I told you. I’ve been busy. Survival is a lot of work. But I suppose I don’t have to tell you that.”

It’s true. I cannot remember the last time I went to the beach. Yes, I have walked on the beach, but have I ever been to the beach? In the way that people mean it. I don’t think so. I try to imagine myself lying out on the sand on a towel, and it nearly makes me laugh. I find very few things funny. But that is funny.

“What?”

She’s looking at me. Not with fear. Not with lust, which is another thing that I’m somewhat accustomed to. She’s looking at me with a sort of naked curiosity. Something I’ve never seen before.

“I’ve never been to the beach,” I say.

“What?”

“I’ve been to the beach. In that I have stood on the beach. Only I have not done so recreationally.”

“You never made sandcastles?”

“You really think my father, the leader of a crime syndicate, was taking us to the beach to make sandcastles?”

“I don’t. But my parents weren’t exactly taking me to the beach either, and I’ve still—” She blinked. “I’ve never done it either.”

She looks up at me. “We’re terrible candidates for parenthood, you realize that, don’t you?”

“I didn’t choose this.”

“You’ve chosen some of it.”

“I chose what feels to be the lesser of evils. It’s all I can do.”

“To me, it feels like an evil thing to have a child when you aren’t prepared to give that child what they need. Your father, I assume, had his children on purpose. Looking to carry on a legacy.”

“Yes,” I say.

“My parents were like this. They didn’t have a child on purpose. I don’t think they ever wanted me.”

“Why did your mother give birth, then?”

“I wish I could believe that it’s because there was a time when she wanted me. When she thought that she could do what was best for me. But what I believe is that she actually wasn’t organized enough to make an appointment to end her pregnancy. That’s what I believe.”

“At least enjoy the beach. Then you can say you’ve been.” I don’t know what else to say other than that. To any of it.