Page 121 of Modern Romance September 2026 Books 5-8

I hold onto his shoulders, my fingernails digging into his skin.

And when we reach the peak, we do it together. A perfect climb into madness, and a fall down into the sea where the waves crash over us. We’re demolished, dashed against the rocks, and left spent and breathless.

We lie there in bed for a long time.

His clothes long shed, my lingerie awkwardly pushed aside. I remove the bodysuit, and snuggle up beside him. I put my hand on his chest, tracing the shapes there. “Are you ever going to tell me what your tattoos mean?”

“There’s no reason to talk about it,” he says.

“Of course there is. I love you. I want to know everything about you.”

I’ve said it. I didn’t wait for a momentous moment. I thought that probably wouldn’t be the best with him. I thought maybe I could just say it, and it would be something casual. Something easy.

But he freezes, his hand closing down over the top of mine.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? I do.”

“No,” he says. “You cannot love me.”

“Why not? You’re the father of my baby. You—” I feel cowardly using that as a descriptor. “You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted. You literally neutralized the biggest crime rings in the world with your connections, your cunning and your willingness to give up power when it would serve the greater good. What woman wouldn’t love you?”

“Everything I did was penance. I am not a good man.”

“And yet you want to raise this child with me?”

“I will do everything in my power to give our daughter the best life possible.”

I sit up, staring down at him. “Yes. I know that. I know it, and that’s why I love you. I don’t understand why you’re acting like I can’t.”

“Because if you knew…” His voice is harsh and cold. He sits up, putting his face in his hands. “If you knew. Lindsay, I have gone to places that you cannot simply come back from. I have done things that change you. They steal pieces of your soul.” He puts my hand on his neck, right on the snake. “I got that ten years ago. After I dispatched a man in my own group who betrayed me. Who betrayed all of us. It’s a reminder not to trust anyone. Including myself. Taking lives is something that changes you. And I wear it on my skin.”

I look at the vast tapestry of ink on his body. I understand what he’s saying. What he’s trying to tell me. That he’s a man of violence. He has been, anyway. When he’s had to be. But I understand what it’s like to grow up in a life that you had no choice in.

“You did the best you could to survive. That’s all any of us can do.”

“Some people don’t have a body count.”

“No. But most of us don’t have a crime lord for a father. You did. And in the end, you put a stop to all of it. In the end, you fixed all of it.”

“I am only fixing what my bloodline has broken. I am only fixing what I spent so much time being part of. Even my grandfather… He was not a good man, Lindsay, and I was forced to do his bidding in order to gain his alliance, and I was willing to do it because I needed it.”

“It was a war. And you fought in it as bravely and ethically as you could.”

He’s angry at me because I won’t be pushed away, and I can see that.

“You are blinded. By sex. By your youth. By your desire to have this happy family, but none of this is so simple.”

“That’s what you think,” I say. “I think it can be quite simple. Let’s not be miserable. What if we were happy?”

“Some people don’t get to be happy.”

“You can’t stop me from loving you.”

He sighs heavily, and takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I will never say it back.”

I meet his gaze, knowing that my eyes are filled with steel. “That’s okay. Neither did my parents. I think I’ll survive.”