Page 22 of The Fallen Fae King

I believed that my tutor was the only person who was on my side in this palace.

Was Heka protecting me tonight or destroying me?

Couldn’t he have allowed me a single, final night of living in my delusion?

I stroke over the painted animals who have kept me company, when no one else would.

I thought that I had finally found friends. People who cared for me.

Why does it hurt so much to know that was a lie?

“Was I born to be unlovable? Because of the Power?” I trace a painted bat. “To die?”

At the sound of a rumbling roar, I turn to Shadow and Devil. The demonic lions, the size of horses, uncurl from their giant beds to the side of the room.

I force myself to smile at them through my tears. “You allowed Freya through to bite Heka, hmm?”

Devil gives me a baleful look through her glowing eyes, as if it should have been obvious. Shadow wrinkles her nose with a sniff.

They both were charmed by Daire, allowing him to pet and ride them. I have never seen them act like that with anyone.

But then, Daire has a closeness with animals, just like I have.

My heart aches.

The two demonic lions slink forward, muscular and woven out of shadows and blood. Shadows curl from them like black tendrils, as they settle next to me in comfort.

I pat Shadow’s flank. “At least I still have you. But was it wrong to also wish to hold sunshine in the palm of my hands? Maybe I should have known that it would burn me.”

I stroke Devil’s ear.

I can’t blame Freya or Daire for playing me.

The one who truly lied to me was myself.

Before I met my nestmates, I prided myself on not being a dreamer unlike my brother. I saw through the deceptions of the Blood Court.

But this time, by the Moon, I wanted to believe more than anything in my plagued life that I was wanted and loved.

And that was the greatest self-deception of them all.

I have no one to blame but myself.

Except, can I trust what Daire told me about us no longer being enemies but rather, pack? Or did he hide his identity because he means to assassinate me?

Maybe even on our wedding night?

I sigh. “Do not be angry with me, Shadow. I didn’t mean what I said to my Raven. I merely want him to feel the same devastation as I did. I meant every promise that I have made to my nestmates. Let them slit my throat and take my blood if it’s what they need. I would give them anything. Yet is it enough? Am I? I will die anyway, which will free them from needing to be around me. They love each other; their love is bright and pure. Sunshine. I am overjoyed that I was able to bathe at least for some time in its light. But I was only borrowing it. After my death, the day can be returned to them. They should never have been forced into the dark with me. Even if our love was fake, then the pretense of it…our friendship…has given me the best memories of my life. It is enough.”

It’s not.

I rest my cheek against Shadow’s flank, wiping my tears on her fur.

Freya, Daire, and Aurelius.

My mistake was allowing myself to believe that they weren’t the same as those who saw me as a monster who should be bullied, hunted, or killed.

Now, I don’t even know if any one of them even liked me.