Page 151 of The Fallen Fae King

I don’t deserve it.

With the soft twilight falling through the window, however, and my ravens settled on the olive tree in the courtyard through it, while I am inside feeding my Omega, I want it.

I clench my hands on my lap, and my hard-on slowly subsides because this feeling is everything that I have dreamed about but it’s bittersweet. Because this is like being shown what I could have. But I never will.

“Do you remember when you told me about that farm you imagined in the Winter Court?” I stare down at my hands.

My wrist is scarred where I have repeatedly bitten into my skin to bleed for my Shadow Vampire King.

I couldn’t eat without knowing that I was also feeding Lanlin.

“I still wish that we could live somewhere like that.” Freya bites into her apple, slowly munching before she swallows. I hang onto every word. “You would cook, while I would care for the farm animals to make sure that we were in control of our food, and no one could decide whether we went hungry or thirsty. We’d have this beautiful garden for you, as well as your ravens. Lots of trees and flowers, roses for Aurelius. We’d build tunnels underneath the house, of course, for Lanlin. A waterfall behind. Beautiful dream, huh?”

“Aye, dream.” My nails bite crescents into my palms. “There would be oaks and blossom trees in the garden. But we could also restore my Winter Court.”

I wait, not looking at her.

I hold my breath.

What will she say? Have I shown my hand too early?

Why isn’t she saying anything?

“Isn’t this our daydream?” Freya replies, cautiously. “I know that we’re trying to take back both our kingdoms. But we’re playing a game here, yeah? Let’s not add the violence of another poisonous court into that.”

I flinch.

My gaze shoots to hers.

Freya looks shocked like she didn’t realize what that one word would mean: poisonous, like the iron that wiped out my entire court.

My family.

“Daire.” Freya reaches for my hand, and I allow her to take it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think…I just meant that if we’re creating a perfect dream, then let’s not include another violent court like⁠—”

“The Winter Court wasn’t like that.” My voice is cold. My shadows feather around me, darkening the walls. My primal power is speaking through me — the spirits of my ancestors. “Don’t compare my people to the Shadow Court or to the Blood Kingdom. What you experienced growing up with the wolves was nothing like the world of the Unseelie. The dragons decided that we were worthless because we were close to nature…savages. But you would have loved my court.”

Freya squeezes my hand, soothing me with her pheromones. “I wish that I could see it.”

The Rebirth Ring is heavy on my finger. “My parents would have loved you.”

Freya’s eyes are wet. “I swear that we will work all this out, then we can choose where we live. We can grow old together in your kingdom, old and gray.”

We can’t.

I bite hard on the inside of my cheek not to say it.

If I tell her now, then she will remain here and try to save me, and I must act like the king Da trusted me to become.

When you’re a king, your life doesn’t matter. You’re the shield for your people.

I drag my soulmate closer to me, until our thighs are touching. “Every day with you is worth a thousand that I spent before I met you. And every day that I spend from now on is everything to me, love. I don’t take a second for granted.”

“Daire, what’s going on? Why are you serious?”

“I’m always serious about loving you.” To distract Freya from one truth, I give her another. It’s a trickster’s ploy. “I’ve found a way out of our cage. Want to know how?”

Freya’s eyes widen. “That’s what you’re talking about?”