Page 72 of Falcon’s Forever

“I thought I was protecting people,” Falcon replies.

“You always think that,” I tell him.

“I know,” he says.

“No, Falcon. You keep saying that.” The words escape before I can stop them. “They attacked this house because they knew where the club’s attention would go. You said it yourself. You knew they were trying to draw people away from the compound.”

The colour drains from his face. “I know.”

“And you went anyway,” I remind him.

“Yes,” Falcon admits.

He has no defence, and somehow, that makes it worse.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice rough.

A laugh escapes me, but it’s an awful, broken sound. “Do you know what I kept thinking while Emily was bleeding? I kept thinking the club would come.”

“They did,” Falcon says quietly.

Ice Pick came. Sterling came. Knox came. Every man who was supposed to be here showed up. Except Falcon.

“I know,” he whispers.

“Stop saying that,” I snap.

Falcon flinches.

Good. No, not good. I don’t want to hurt him. I only want him to understand.

“I spent five years waiting for you to come through a door,” I tell him. “Today, when that door opened, part of me thought it would be you.”

“Cara,” Falcon says, pain cutting through my name.

“It wasn’t,” I finish.

His eyes shine. I've never seen Falcon cry, not once, and somehow that makes this angrier instead of softer, because I love him, God help me I still love him, and that's exactly why this hurts.

"I can't do this," I say.

His face goes completely still. "What?"

"I can't love somebody while I'm waiting for him to decide that dying for me is the same thing as living with me."

He looks like I hit him. Maybe I did.

"I wasn't trying to die," he says quietly.

"I know, that's the problem." My voice breaks. "You do it because you believe it makes you good. Loyal. Protective. Whatever you want to call it, but it makes everyone who loves you wait."

He looks at the floor. "I'm trying."

“I know,” I say.

I’ve had enough. I can’t keep going through this because it hurts me too.

“I’ve seen the changes,” I continue. “I meant what I said the other night. You are trying.”