Page 11 of Rot In Knotty Pieces

A horrifying truth.

“The other alters have disappeared.”

Dove

Fragments of memories push at me, shoving me up and around, but those pieces are scary, and I don’t want to remember them, so I squeeze my doll tight and close my eyes. I count to eight and then again, but it doesn’t work.

Scary thoughts keep twisting in my brain, whispers and the horrible places and things I’ve seen. I want it to go away. I clutch my hands to my head and whisper the words that Kest taught me.

“Pix is here. Rose is here. Sage is here. Blaze is here. Rolly is here. King is here.”

I repeat the words over and over until the panic goes away, and I don’t feel like there are spiders on my skin. I didn’t know what those words meant until a couple of days ago. Not really. But if Kest says they are safe, then I believe her.

When I open my eyes, Rolly is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of me. He is fun. I like Rolly a lot. He’s got blond hair and pretty blue eyes like my doll, and he smiles. When he smiles, I forget to be afraid.

The room looks too small with him in it. He looks silly on the pink carpet, with the dollhouse behind him and my tiny bed beside him. It’s white with pink flowers, and it's so pretty. But he doesn’t care if he looks too big. Rolly is my favourite, he doesn’t think I’m silly, and he always plays with me. He says I’m the most special girl in the world.

He tilts his head to the side and looks at my dollhouse.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Rose made it for me. He cut it all up and painted it and put it together. He said it would mean more if he made it.”

“Was he right?” Rolly asks and reaches out, picking up one of the tiny chairs with his big fingers.

“Yes. Rose is a good alpha. Safe.”

Rolly turns back. “Is that what you think?”

I look down at my feet. “No, that’s what Pix says.”

“What do you think?”

“I think…I wish Rose was my dad,” I whisper. “My real dad. He doesn’t get mad at me and tell me I’m bad.”

Rolly bobs his head. “Rose would be a very good dad.”

“Do you think he’d want me?”

“I think Rose would be anything you needed, Dove. He will always protect you. I think if that’s a friend or a dad or a brother or an uncle, what I guess it all comes down to is that it’s all family.”

“Family?” I ask curiously.

“Yes, that’s what family does. They look after each other. They help each other.”

“Oh.” I consider it and put my doll on my bed.

“Are you scared?” Rolly asks.

I nod my head quickly.

“Why? We’re all here, no one can get through.”

“Father always knows where we are,” I whisper, scared he can hear me. “He can always find us, that’s what fathers do. I don’t want to go back with Father. He makes me sleep in the dark on the floor. There’s no bed, and sometimes he forgets to feed me.”

Rolly puts the chair back in the dollhouse.