Page 47 of In Honor’s Defense

“’Course, then I joined the army, where I took countless lives on the battlefield.” He swallowed hard, the last piece of truth dragging its feet.

Confess your faults one to another . . .

“I served at Wounded Knee.” He forced the words out. “My unit slaughtered women and children.” He’d followed Matt and done his best to protect the innocent, but those Hotchkiss guns had rained fire on the Lakota without discriminating between armed combatant and unarmed civilian. So much chaos. So much death. So much guilt left to taint his soul.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

He’d been cleansed. He knew that. Believed God’s promise. Yet whenever he recalled that day, he couldn’t help but feel soiled. Stained. Like he needed to be cleansed again. And again. And again.

The sounds of chair legs lightly rasping against floorboards focused his attention outward in time to catch Damaris getting up from the table. Her shock must’ve finally receded enough to allow her to move away from him. She was too polite to criticize him. She’d probably busy herself with rinsing out the coffeepot. Change the subject to the weather until he took the hint and made himself scarce. He might as well save them both the awkwardness and just—

Damaris picked up her chair, rounded the table, and placed it directly beside his. Then, before he could figure out what to do, she covered his oversized paw with her slender, delicate hand and squeezed with surprising strength.

“I didn’t ask you to tell me who you were, Luke. I asked you to tell me who you are.”

He stared. He couldn’t help it. She’d stunned him. Utterly and completely. Define himself without referencing his past? Was that even possible? The man he was today had been built on a lifetime of experiences. Good. Bad. Worse. He was his past.

Wasn’t he?

Her thumb moved against the back of his hand, imitating his attempted comfort from a moment ago. “‘Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.’”

“Second Corinthians 5:17.” He knew the verse well. Meditated on it often. Yet in his experience, people were far more interested in the old creature than the new.

So why wasn’t Damaris asking him about what he’d revealed? The violence. The fighting. The killing. Was she truly not curious? No, there were hundreds of questions brimming in her eyes. He wagged his head, her reaction making no sense.

A soft smile touched her lips. “You’re a warrior, Luke Davenport. And warriors aren’t formed by ease and tranquility. They are forged in battle. Battles it sounds like you’ve been waging since childhood. I want to know your story, Luke, because I want to know you. Where you came from, what shaped you, who shaped you. But I will not judge you on the man you were. Only on the man you are. A man of courage. Sacrifice. Honor. A man with flaws and imperfections, but one who strives to be better. To protect those in his care and bring evil men to justice. A man who knows the Word and strives to emulate the God who gave it.”

Luke chuckled softly, embarrassed by her praise even as it poured over his dry, cracked heart like anointing oil. “Most of them verses I learned as a kid. My teacher made me memorize and recite scripture every time he caught me misbehaving.” He grinned. “I misbehaved a lot.”

“And now that you’re a man grown? I saw the Bible you carry in your saddlebag. It’s well worn. I doubt it got that way because your old schoolmaster is still demanding recitations.”

Luke looked away from her sweet, far-too-trusting eyes and focused on the grain of the wooden table. “I’m no saint, Damaris. I got a knack for memorizin’ things, but I’m still workin’ on the livin’-it-out part. I’m a rough man who’s lived a rough life. I’ve got something wild inside me that pushes me into danger ’cause I know I’m expendable. I tried livin’ like a normal fella, surrounded by friends, with work I enjoy. But even then I couldn’t settle. Couldn’t find peace. So I took the job with Grimes. On my own. With no Horsemen to back me up. Because livin’ on the edge made more sense than livin’ in a peace that didn’t belong to me.”

He forced himself to look at her. “That’s the man I am, Damaris. Discontent, dangerous, and a tiny bit deranged.”

“Hmm. I think I prefer driven, devoted, and dependable.”

He started to argue, but she wouldn’t let him.

“If there’s something wild inside you that drove you to leave a comfortable position with the Hangers, then I thank God for that wildness. Without it, Nathaniel would be dead, and I never would have met you.” She shifted in her seat and leaned close. “We need you, Luke. And not just because you’re a Horseman. Nathaniel connects with you in a way he never will with me. He respects you. Listens to you. Admires you. And I . . .”

His gut clenched. And she . . . ?

“I’d be lost without you. I try to believe that I’m strong. That I can handle life in Texas. But I don’t know the first thing about how to protect Nathaniel from real danger. I know nothing about guns or how to recognize a killer. For all I know, I’ve stood face-to-face with the man who killed my brother on numerous occasions. I want to be courageous and smart and capable, but inside I’m terrified that I’m not enough. Having you here makes me feel stronger. Safer. Braver.”

Luke twisted to face her. His heart pounded so hard, not even his injuries could compete with the ache rising in his chest. Unable to resist the way she called to the core of him, he cupped her cheek in his palm and gave her his pledge.

“I’ll keep you and the boy safe, Damaris. I swear it.”

She leaned into his hand, her eyes closing for a heartbeat before her lashes lifted. “I know you will.”

He didn’t deserve her unwavering faith, yet he’d do everything in his power to be worthy of it. Of her.

Slowly, he drew her face closer. Memorized the shape of her lips. Watched them part ever so slightly.

“I’d walk through fire for you.” His murmured vow rumbled deep in his throat an instant before he sealed his promise with a kiss.

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