Page 24 of The Heart’s Charge

“There was another girl my age, Paulina Higgins, who was determined to catch Mark’s eye. She flirted with him outrageously and went out of her way to thrust herself into his path whenever possible. I was terribly jealous of her. Even at seventeen, she possessed one of those figures that turned men’s heads. Including Mark’s. She acted as sweet as pie when young men or their mothers were around, but she turned viper-mean with the girls she considered competition.”

Katherine forced her fingers to unclench from around the teacup. Taking a breath, she moved her hands to her lap so she could wring her napkin into a wrinkled mess without fear of her old resentments breaking the china.

“Paulina bragged about how she and Mark were destined to be together. How they were perfectly suited, although I couldn’t find anything they had in common beyond youth and good looks. She didn’t care about Mark’s musical talent or his dreams to join the Boston Symphony. But then, Paulina sang like a drowning cat, so music wasn’t exactly on her list of interests. She couldn’t even play a phonograph in tune.”

Eliza made a choking noise that sounded a great deal like a stifled guffaw. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say an unkind word about anyone, Kat. This girl must have really gotten under your skin.”

Shame welled in Katherine’s breast, and she bit her lip. God called his people to grace and mercy, not bitterness and gall. She knew better. She’d thought she was better. That she had matured over the last decade. Apparently, the road to bitterness was paved with castor oil. Lose focus for a moment, and one’s spiritual feet could shoot right out from under her.

Forgive me, Lord.

“Sorry. That was not well done of me.” Katherine straightened in her chair and lifted her chin. “As much as I want to blame Paulina for what happened, I can’t. She might have faked an injured ankle in order to finagle her way into Mark’s arms and have him carry her halfway down Elm Street, but my jealousy brought us to disaster. Not Paulina’s shenanigans.”

“What happened?” Eliza was not a woman given to excessive gentleness, so to hear her soft tone and glimpse the sympathetic gleam in her eyes nearly undid Katherine.

Blinking away the unwanted moisture, she stiffened her spine. Best just to spit out the rest all at once.

“Mark and I had grown close during the months leading up to the Paulina-ankle incident, close enough that I believed he might actually feel something beyond friendship for me. But after Paulina’s conniving, he avoided me. Or so I thought. In hindsight, I think Paulina scared him with her forwardness, and he reacted by backing away from all girls. At the time, though, I was sure his affections had shifted to Paulina. In desperation, I did the very thing I condemned Paulina for—I threw myself at him.”

Katherine swallowed hard, but the unpalatable truth stuck in her throat.

“He’d taken a job as a piano player at one of the dance halls in town and walked home every Friday at midnight after his shift. Going out alone that late at night was terribly improper, but I’d been unsuccessful at cornering him in private in any of the usual social venues. Desperation drove me to be bold. And foolish. I snuck out of the house one Friday night and hid myself in the bushes at the edge of a vacant lot along the route he took home. When he passed by, I intended to step out of the bushes with ethereal grace and confess my feelings. Instead, my hair caught in the branches, and when I moved, the tangle nearly snatched my scalp bald. I yelped in pain, and Mark startled so badly, he tripped over the edge of the walkway and tumbled forward. By the time he saw me, it was too late. His momentum carried him down, straight on top of me.

“I cried out again as he fell onto me, my hair ripping free of its mooring. Things would have been fine had Mr. Owen not been out walking his pregnant dog. He heard my cry and discovered us before Mark had time to rise. Mr. Owen started whacking Mark over the head with his cane, accusing him of molesting an innocent. I did my best to correct him, vowing that Mark hadn’t even known I was there. That it was all a big misunderstanding. I had only screamed because my hair had gotten snagged. Which led Mr. Owen to turn his accusations on me, questioning what a young girl was doing out alone after curfew. And why she would hide in the bushes. Proper young ladies were abed at that hour, not lying in wait for young men to ensnare in their seductive webs.”

She could still hear his voice grate on her conscience, his words falling like acid on her soul.

“Mark defended me, of course, but to no avail. Mr. Owen woke both our parents and told them what he’d witnessed. He painted it as an assignation, giving us both equal blame.” Katherine would never forget the look of horror on her mother’s face or the deep disappointment on her father’s. “I confessed everything, not wanting Mr. and Mrs. Wallace to think their son had done anything wrong, but it didn’t matter. My reputation had been ruined. Mark proposed to me that very night. I turned him down.

“My scandalized mother insisted I accept, fearing that shame would fall on the entire family if I refused, but I would not be swayed. Even when Mark took me aside and tried to convince me that he wasn’t angry. He urged me to reconsider, told me he cared for me, and swore we would have a good life together.

“But I couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t trap him in a marriage he didn’t really want. Couldn’t steal his freedom, his dreams. What about his music? If he had a wife to support, he wouldn’t be able to chase his symphonic dreams. He’d be stuck in his father’s buggy whip shop, toiling at a job he hated. So I held firm.

“He left the next day. Joined the US Cavalry and never returned.” Katherine hung her head. “Not only did I drive Westfield’s favored son away from the people who loved him, I drove him to the most dangerous occupation on the planet. His life could have ended on any of a hundred battlefields, and it would have been my fault.”

Eliza pushed out of her chair, came around to where Katherine sat, and yanked her to her feet. “Katherine Palmer, his choices were not your fault.” Eliza gripped her shoulders. “He could have stayed. He chose not to. He could have pursued a career with the symphony. He chose not to. You are responsible for your choices, but you’re not responsible for his. Got it?”

Katherine sniffed. What would she do without Eliza? She was a treasure. A grin stretched Katherine’s cheeks. “You really are bossy, you know that?”

Eliza pulled her into a rough hug, then stepped away. “Yes, well, women have enough obstacles to overcome without weighing themselves down with blame that’s not theirs to carry.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Though guilt was rather sticky stuff. Hard to shake off even when one’s mind understood it didn’t belong.

All of a sudden, a herd of children stampeded down the staircase. “Miss Eliza! Miss Katherine! The bugle man’s back!”

Katherine and Eliza shared a look, then rushed to the front room and pulled back the curtains. Sure enough, a man on a white horse was riding into the yard.

Eliza dropped the curtain back into place and grumbled, “Looks like he’s going to be harder to get rid of this time around.”

Katherine mirrored her friend’s frown, but inside, her heart leapt with something that felt suspiciously like hope.

CHAPTER

ELEVEN

What are you doing here?”

Mark grinned at the puckered look on Kate’s face as he reined Cooper in and dismounted. She’d come out onto the front porch a moment ago and closed the door behind her. Now she stood with arms firmly crossed over her chest and legs braced apart, barring the path to Harmony House as if he were a desperado set on pillaging. He’d received warmer welcomes from Lakota warriors on the battlefield. Good thing he didn’t chill easily.