Page 52 of Thaw My Heart

My body still feels asleep as I roll out of my dark timber-framed bed and open the glass sliding door, walking onto my deck. Bandit runs out into the snow, joyously frolicking in the powder.

Sadie’s truck is gone, and I can’t remember if I saw it on my way home or not. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t there this morning. Any other day, and it would be a relief to know she’s not here to distract me, but I need to know if she got the chest X-ray.

For my own peace of mind.

After texting Blake to ask for her number, because of course he’d have it, considering he was assigned to work with her, I sent her a quick message. Pulling out my sketchbook to draw a few ideas for Cole and Annie’s kitchen to distract myself from the apprehension on my mind.

But thirty minutes later, there’s still no response. She’s either ignoring me, or something’s wrong.

I sigh with frustration, texting her again.

Kit:

Where are you, Sadie?

The sun disappears behind the snowy mountains, leaving looming shadows in its wake. The winding roads are dangerous at this time of night, especially during winter, and especially for that old truck of hers.

Fuck, I do care about her.

I don’t want to, but fuck… I do. And I need to know if she’s okay.

Kit:

Does your dinosaur phone not receive texts?

My calloused hands scrape over my face. The scruff feels longer than I like, but I can’t find it in myself to care. There is a small chance that her phone can’t receive text messages, judging by its prehistoric make. Maybe she’s fine?

Or maybe she’s stranded somewhere on the side of the frozen road.

Just when I’m about to call her to find out where she is, to ease the worry in my chest, she finally replies.

Sadie:

I’m on a date, Cowboy. My phone works just fine.

A date? But still no mention of the X-ray.

Her words linger in my mind for minutes, and I hate the way it tastes of acid in my mouth. The way that one word sends tremors through my fingers. It shouldn’t bother me that she’s on a date. I have no claim, nor do I want one.

But even thinking those thoughts hurts me even more. She’s all I’ve thought about since the day she moved in, and no matter how hard I try to deny it, that truth is eating me alive.

I stare at my flannel hanging by the fire. Pain radiates in my chest, heavy, crushing pain that drifts to my neck. It seems I was right all along. Her feelings for me were never real. It was just a game. Just as it always was with women.

She never wanted me.

It was all just a fucking game.

I slam my phone on the kitchen counter and head back to bed. Trying to forget my frustration, but all I can do is lie there and think about Sadie, gazing at the ceiling until darkness finds me.

The snow is melting as I sit on my front porch with Bandit, gazing out at the frosted pasture, shimmering in the morning light. The air feels warmer as coffee wafts in my face, and for the first time in months, I no longer feel tired, but rested and awake.

But sleeping for fifteen hours will do that to you.

I glance at my wristwatch, checking the time. Anxiety stirs in my gut, taking up too much space in my overwhelmed mind at Sadie’s missing truck. And the fact that she never came home last night.

“Let it go, Kit,” I huff to myself, blowing out hot air.

Bandit turns to me, tilting his ears.