Page 83 of A Perilous Passion

His face paled. “That was uncalled for.”

Unclenching her fists, she took a step toward him. “I’m sorry, but I disagree. I regret you had to find out this way, and I understand you’re shocked and hurt. But Rafe and I have been drawing closer for some time, and yesterday’s dramatic events rather tipped the balance. We are to be married.”

“Indeed?” Justin lifted a mocking eyebrow. “I see no betrothal ring. But perhaps he’s too poor to afford one. I cannot imagine the wages of a spy are much more than a common soldier’s. I never imagined you could like such a person, Charlotte. You’ve truly disappointed me.”

Not afford a ring? She almost laughed. “You don’t know him as I do. He’s courageous, principled, and steadfast. Perhaps rather overbearing at times, but I know him to be sincere. And he loves me.”

Justin turned toward the door. His voice shook with emotion as he said, “I don’t wish to hear another man’s virtues extolled by my former fiancée, thank you. If you’re ready, we’ll leave now, and we can be out of each other’s way for good.”

That hurt. “Don’t be like this,” she begged, hastening across to put a hand on his arm. “Can’t we at least part as friends?”

He picked up her shawl from the hallstand. “Is this yours?” he asked, refusing to look at her.

“Yes. I’ll just say farewell to Rafe.”

“He already left. His business is evidently more important to him than you are. I would never have treated you so cavalierly.”

Justin’s attitude was so frustrating. Would he think any better of her choice if he knew who Rafe really was? But it wasn’t her secret to tell. And honestly, his social standing shouldn’t matter. Character was character, regardless of one’s class. Clearly, Justin had a way to go in that regard.

“It’s not for you to judge him,” she said. “His main concern must be to protect the realm. I’m quite content to take second place for now.”

“As am I,” was Justin’s stiff response. “But I still say you’re making a grave mistake with him.”

“Tell me,” she said as she closed the front door of the farmhouse, “how many of your objections arise from mere jealousy? We were forbidden one another and obliged to move on, Justin. I swear I never set out to hurt you.”

He strode across the worn cobbles of the lane, and she followed after. The wind that whipped at her skirts brought with it a breath of autumn, and she pulled her shawl more tightly around her.

He pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Of course I’m jealous! What kind of man would I be if I were not? I know I’m indebted to both you and Seabourne, but I still think it an unsuitable match. He’ll break your heart, mark my words.”

“You have no evidence of that,” she pointed out; though, hadn’t she been thinking much the same thing just moments ago? “The fact you don’t like him is not a valid reason.”

“Think!” Justin said, stopping and turning to her. “Think how little you know of him. His entire world is filled with secrecy and deception. How can you be sure he’s being honest with you, and not just slaking his lust? He won’t be the first man to have duped a vulnerable young female, and he won’t be the last.”

Her temper threatened to boil over. How twisted Fate could be! Not so very long ago, she couldn’t have imagined being near Justin without wanting to throw herself into his embrace. Nor could she have imagined being so frustrated with him. She wanted to shake him.

“I may be young,” she said crisply, “but I don’t consider myself vulnerable. I learned a hard lesson when you were exiled. I’ve grown up since then. Rafe has been as honest with me as he could. The only things he didn’t tell me were about his job.”

“But what do you actually know about him? His history, his family, his amours, his prospects? Can he keep you comfortably? Is he honorable? Is he a man of his word? And what kind of life would it be for you as the wife of a spy? You would be permanently trapped in a lie, afraid to speak for fear of giving something away to the wrong person. You’d be expected to deceive your friends, your family—”

“Wrong.” She held up her hands. “Mama and Aunt Flora know exactly who, and what, he is. We had to tell them when I accidentally got him shot and had to bring him home to care for.”

“You got him shot?” Justin seized her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. “See? You’re meddling in dangerous affairs. I imagine you could just as easily have been shot yourself. The events of yesterday make it clear that Seabourne’s marked for death. You could end up a widow within a week.”

She shivered. The same thought had occurred to her. But when the traitors were rounded up, all would be well.

She drew herself up. “Be fair! His life wouldn’t have been in danger had you not stormed out and left him alone.”

Justin gave a frustrated grunt. Releasing her shoulders, he set off again at a bruising pace, and it was as much as she could do to keep up with him.

“It’s unfair of you to tax me with that,” he threw back over his shoulder. “It was you we quarreled over. I was only looking after your best interests.”

“To the detriment of your country? I hope you’ll never do anything so foolish again.”

“And I hope you won’t be so foolish as to ally yourself—however briefly—with a lonely, desperate man. If you change your mind, I’ll still be here for you.”

Lonely? Desperate? Rafe might have felt so when ostracized from polite society for his ignominious departure from the army. But desperate? Never. All his courageous actions since then belied that notion.

Lonely and desperate had been far more applicable to her after the elopement debacle—locked away in her room like Deirdriu in a tower, with her prince banished and nothing to sustain her but memories.