Page 56 of SnowBound

14

ABIGAIL

“Nothing fits me anymore.” I fell on my back on the bed, bringing both palms over my eyes, about to cry. “I can’t change my wardrobe every month. I’ll go broke in no time.”

“Let me help you out,” Ellie said, rummaging through the clothes I’d spread all over our room. “I have leggings you can borrow. And Tom gave me a few sweatshirts that are too big for me. You can have them.”

“The ones with the university and football team logos on them?”

“Yes. Those. You’ll look like you’re invested in the school spirit.” She pumped her fist. “Go, Pirates.”

“Is this what I have come down to? Seriously?” I had no idea if I should laugh or curl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out.

“Gurrrl, you look fantastic. Don’t do this to yourself, okay? Be happy and proud.”

“It’s-I can…” I blew out a long breath, reeling in the cocktail of emotions swirling inside me that I had no idea how to tackle. “Everyone will be able to tell I’m getting fatter by the day.” A fresh batch of tears burned the back of my eyes. Every single detail turned me into a crying mess these days.

Ellie’s arms wrapped around me, and she caressed my hair. “But a very beautiful and pregnant fat lady,” she teased.

“How did this happen? How did I turn into this?” I asked, pointing to my stomach.

“Well, if you want the specifics, it started with a penis and a vagina from two people attracted to each other and a lot of kisses…”

I sat on my bed and threw my pillow at her face. I couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. “Elles. Stop.”

“Want me to mimic how it really happens? I can draw it too if you prefer.”

A loud chuckle burst free. “Geez. You are incorrigible.”

She sat next to me. “But I make you laugh. And this is worth a lot. I miss Happy Abby. You’ve been hiding here since the day we found out you were indeed pregnant. You don’t go out anymore. You either work or go to classes or sleep. And that smile of yours is never reaching both ears. We need to get her back before she’s lost under a pile of dirty diapers and feeding bottles and gone forever.”

Wetness enveloped my eyeballs at her words. I loved my friend. She was my anchor. And the one person I could always count on. Pulling her into a tight hug, I hoped she could feel how much she meant to me too.

“I love you,” I said when we broke apart. “I’m sorry for not being a good friend lately. It’s just a lot to process.”

She squeezed my hand between hers. “I know. It’s okay. I just don’t want you to turn into a ghost. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This baby was created from love particles. Everything happens for a reason, and this little one will teach you something. Resilience maybe. Or how to slip on a onesie… No matter what it is, it will be all right.”

I nodded, the words stuck in my throat. I wasn’t ready to be a mother at nineteen. And I had no idea how to do this. Even if I wanted to, adoption wasn’t an option. This baby was Andy’s and mine. I already loved him or her so much that never could I consider giving the child away. Still, my fears were hard to kick to the curb.

“Elles, what am I going to do? For real? I didn’t think this through. How is it supposed to work? I’m four months in, and I’m exhausted all the time and crying at the drop of a hat. At least the morning sickness is gone, or else I would go crazy.”

“You should rest. And have fun. Enjoy the time you have left before you gotta care for that tiny human growing inside of you. Instead, you work over forty hours a week in addition to the extra classes you took on this semester.”

“Well, this baby won’t pay for itself. I must take the next semester off. Or else, once I give birth, I’ll miss too many classes to be able to catch up and get good enough grades to keep my grant.”

“I know. I have no idea what I’d do if I were in your shoes, but I’m confident you’ll make it work. Still, you need the rest. And to enjoy time with your friends, where you don’t have to obsess about your to-do list for a few hours and just be.”

“Yeah, well, for my life to not go to hell, I gotta put as much money as possible in my savings account for the days when I won’t be able to work. Babies are expensive.”

“If you spread yourself thin, you’ll crack. A lot is going on in your life. Go easy on yourself.”

“I’ll try. In the meantime, I have to meet with the advisor to discuss my grant for next year. See how it’d work out since I gotta skip a semester due to reasons I have no control over anymore.”

“You haven’t already?” my friend asked with a tipped brow.

“Nah. I wasn’t ready for the world to know I got knocked up. And… Imagine if they revoke it? What will I do if that’s the case? I can’t pay the tuition fees on my own. And my parents won’t help me out. My appointment is tomorrow afternoon, so we’ll see.”

“No matter what, I’m here. I’ll help you out. We can place a crib in between our beds. And we’ll switch our night shifts. You won’t be alone.”