Page 49 of SnowBound

12

ABIGAIL

“What’s wrong?” Ellie asked, sitting on her bed. “You haven’t been yourself lately. You’re silent, you go to bed early, you don’t join me when I go out. I’m getting worried. Are you still sick? It’s been over two weeks. You should have felt better by now.”

Could I tell her what was on my mind? If someone could understand, it was her.

I sighed and fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, avoiding her eyes in case she could read the thoughts polluting my mind feed for the last sixteen days, six hours, and forty-five minutes.

“Gurrrl, tell me. Now.”

“It’s about…you know…that morning.”

She moved to sit next to me, crossing her legs and forcing me to face her. “That morning…?” She tapped her finger on her chin. “Hmmm, morning is a daily occurrence. Care to be more specific?”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and reaching the size of a boulder.

Ellie grabbed my hands in hers. “Whatever it is, spill it. You know you can trust me. No matter what, I won’t judge you. All I’ll do is try to help you out. I swear.”

I pushed my hair back and met her eyes. “I know.” My voice had lost all conviction. “It’s just…you’ll think I’m being stupid. I’m sure I am worrying for nothing.”

“Abby, stop with the mental gymnastics and say it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

I breathed out. “What if I really was pregnant?”

My friend blinked a few times, studying my face with one raised brow. “Huh. How? You said it was impossible two weeks ago when we talked about it.”

“It’s-it’s been nagging at me since that girl mentioned it. I have no reason to believe I am, but—”

“But? Abby, what are you not telling me?”

“I checked my calendar. My last periods were before winter break.”

Ellie counted on her fingers before bringing her attention back to me. “Fuck, you’re like what, six weeks late? And you didn’t realize it sooner?”

“I’m often late. Nothing unusual. I often skip one or two cycles. I got so caught up in the new semester and being sick, I kinda forgot about it. Until I did the math sixteen days ago. My cycles have always been irregular and all over the place, so I should have no reason to freak out, but… I don’t know. Something is different this time. I can tell. For the last two weeks, I’ve been trying to explain away all the symptoms I’m feeling. And nothing makes sense except…”

“Are you sure?”

“What else could it be? I need to find out. It’s becoming an obsession.”

Ellie enveloped me in her arms. “Why didn’t you confide in me sooner? You shouldn’t freak out about it on your own.”

“I thought I was making it up in my mind. You know when you google your symptoms and think you’re afflicted with an incurable disease, so then you experience new symptoms that fit your pseudo-home-diagnosis? Well, I thought I had a case of hypochondria.”

“Okay, now you’re being silly. Since when do you make up diseases in your mind?”

I shrugged.

“See? You’re not being yourself. Let’s find out.” She pulled away and jumped to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”

My fingers hooked onto her forearm before she could get away. “What are you doing? Where are you going? Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts.”

“Getting pregnancy tests. So, you can put this silly idea to rest once and for all.”