Page 103 of SnowBound

26

ABIGAIL

“It’s okay, baby. Shhh. I’m right here. It will be fine. We’re going to see the doctor.” Alexi’s little fingers fisted my shirt, his koala bear blanket pressed between us, as fat tears streamed down his little reddened cheeks. I blinked the ones forming in my eyes, hoping to stay strong. In the last year, my baby had been sick more than he should be. And I had no idea how to make this better. Since he turned one, recurrent ear infections had been keeping us up too many nights to keep count and had brought us to the emergency room more times than I could remember. He wailed, his face pressed into my breast, and my heart fractured in my chest. My shoulders dropped, and I felt so powerless.

The cab halted before us on the sidewalk, and I fastened my arms around my son. The night air sent shivers through me. Shifting Alexi to my left hip, I fiddled with the door handle of the cab, trying to not drop my purse that had slid down to my elbow.

His cries intensified, and he pressed his hands over his ears, jerking his head back with a sudden motion I wasn’t prepared for. I lost my footing and pressed a hand against the steel frame of the vehicle to avoid falling on the side of the street.

My heart pounded in my head, and a loud sigh left me when I slouched into the backseat and shut the door after me.

“Mammma.” My baby’s voice acted like a sword stabbing my heart. He lifted his watery eyes to me, and I could read all the suffering lingering in the midnight-blue pool of his eyes. His dark brown hair was glued to his forehead, and I pushed the soft curls back with a finger. Alexi was a miniature version of Andy. Except for his blue irises, everything about my baby was a replica of his father.

A pinch in my chest reminded me I was alone on this journey, and I blinked to chase away the fresh surge of sadness twisting my insides and filling my heart with pain. On nights like this, I wished I had someone to rely on. Someone to tell me everything would be all right. To kiss me and wrap me in their arms, shielding me from the harsh truths of the world for an instant. To pick me up when I felt like falling apart.

I planted a kiss on the top of my baby’s head and wiped his teary face with a finger.

“I love you, Alexi. I love you so much. And I-I’m sorry you are hurting.” My voice cracked, and my eyes burned with my own tears. “That I can’t take your pain away… That it hurts so bad.”

The painkiller finally kicked in, and his eyelids fluttered close. He weighed heavier in my arms, and the soft sound of his snoring mixed with the soothing one of the tires rolling on the pavement. I blinked fast to keep the new tears burning my eyeballs at bay, and with my arms in a protective embrace around him, I watched the scenery through the window.

Alexi moaned and changed positions in his sleep, nestling himself deeper in my arms.

Entangled together, we held on to each other for the rest of the ride.

Last year, after he suffered four back-to-back ear infections, a lot of fluid had built up in the middle ear. So, the doctors had to insert tubes into his eardrums to drain the fluid and ease the pressure and pain in his ears. But still, almost nine months later, the infections had come back every couple of weeks. And here we were again, on our way to meet with the ENT late at night.

The car came to a stop, and taking care to not wake up my son, I glided across the backseat until my feet landed on the sidewalk. With one hand braced on the back of the seat, I pushed myself out of the cab and kicked the door shut after me.

After I checked in with the nurse on duty, we were led to a room where I laid Alexi on a bed, covering him with his fluffy silver-gray koala blanket. My fingertips brushed his hair back as I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep peacefully. His face didn’t bear the same painful expression as it did earlier, and I relaxed a little.

A voice nagged at me. Telling me we weren’t out of the storm. That I should find the strength in me for the challenges about to hit our lives.

After everything that had happened since the day my parents kicked me out of the house, I hadn’t caught a break. And deep down, I was exhausted. But I had no time for a mental breakdown. I had to keep going. To push through. Until I made it happen.

The doctor met us, and after further examination, he prescribed another run of antibiotics.

“Ms. Peña, we need to talk about Alexi’s condition. We have tried everything, but the chronic infections are still coming back. I’m afraid it’ll have long-term side effects if this keeps happening.”

I stood straight, waiting for him to explain himself. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“So many ear infections at this age can lead to speech and language difficulties. Delays that will need to be addressed as he grows older.”

My eyes drifted to my little boy’s sleeping form underneath his favorite blanket, and a mass grew in my chest. “What do we do now?”

He opened the tablet in his hand and scrolled through it before bringing his eyes back to mine. “I can schedule you a follow-up appointment in ten days. We’ll wait until the antibiotics have healed the current infection, then we’ll run some tests. How does it sound?”

I nodded, at a loss for words.

Dr. Philibert tapped my shoulder. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Ms. Peña. We won’t jump to conclusions until we know more. Go back home, get some sleep, and take care of your little boy. My assistant will call you on Monday to schedule that follow-up appointment.”

My emotions had deserted me by then. I remained still, unsure of how to process everything.

“Ms. Peña?”

I snapped out of it. “Yes. Sorry.”

“It’s late, and it’s a lot to take in. You can rest assured we’ll do everything in our power to make Alexi feel better. Have a great night.”