Page 138 of Kickoff

Sitting amongst my classmates on the bleachers, I watched the cheerleaders doing their routine, noting every detail of their anatomy. I wanted to look like them. Long legs, slim waist, glowing skin. No wonder all the guys’ attention were solely on them.

Part of me wished I could blend in so no one could see how different I looked from everyone else.

Another part of me wished I could be just like them and attract the same attention they did. Because those girls were beautiful, and I longed to be too.

After Winter Break

I spotted Mason hurrying after me and increased the pace, doing my best to evade him without looking like I was trying too hard. Maybe he would stop chasing me if he thought I hadn’t seen him. The truth was that I missed him. A lot. Our friendship and our almost-dating relationship had been the highlight of last semester. Having Mason by my side and keeping me busy helped me not to cede too much control to my thoughts. I was afraid I would have really starved myself much more than I did if he hadn’t been around. Not that I would ever admit it to him.

“Hey Mel, wait up.”

I closed my eyes when I heard his voice. The one that had been with me since the day my parents drove me away from school before the break. I had missed Winter Formal and almost two weeks of school, plus they also stole my dignity that day. They exposed my secrets in front of the boy I loved. Never again would he see me for who I was. Forever, I’d be the broken girl. The one obsessed with her weight and her appearance. And I’d seen how Mason had been staring at me since school resumed. He was sad for me. And I hated the feeling.

I had done my best to avoid him, but it was just a matter of time before he asked for the explanations I wasn’t sure I possessed.

“Talk to me. I deserve to know what’s going on.”

I had to push him away for good or else he would pursue me. Mason Pierce was tenacious and never gave up. It was my job to put a stop to it. And fast.

I halted my escape and turned to him, trying to be brave while facing him.

His gaze swept over me for a long moment. Up close, he looked more handsome than I recalled. “You look beautiful.” I glanced down, not wanting to acknowledge him, as he continued, “Aren’t you gonna say anything? I deserve an explanation. You’ve been avoiding me like the plague since school resumed.”

I snorted. “I don’t owe you anything, Mason.” I wanna talk to you, but I don’t know how, and pushing you away is the only way I’m not overwhelmed by your proximity. I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I’m broken. All I wanted was to be perfect for you, and I screwed it up big time.

He gripped my chin and lifted my head so he could stare at me.

I lost myself in his eyes. I had forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end of Mason Pierce’s attention. The contact of his skin on mine felt familiar, and it calmed the throbbing of my heart. Then I remembered I had decided to cut him loose, and I jumped back.

“I-I missed you.”

Those were the words I had waited years to hear.

I pushed my tongue against the roof of my mouth, not willing to show any weaknesses.

Mason laced our fingers, and I was unable to jerk my hand away this time.

“We haven’t seen or talked to each other in over six weeks. I was worried about you. I tried to give you your space like you asked, but I can’t do it anymore. I need to know where we stand and if we can salvage what we had.”

“Mason, we had nothing.” We had everything. Why couldn’t I say it like I meant it?

He neared me, almost erasing the space between our bodies. “Wrong answer. Please say it like you mean it this time.”

That stupid expression. Could he read my inner thoughts?

“I won’t play games with you.” There, I said it.

“I’m done playing games too. I truly believe we belong together. I’m just waiting for you to catch up with the fact.”

“Well, it won’t happen. You better find someone else to be with.” I had to force iciness into my laughter to keep myself from shattering.

“Stop feeding me bullshit. What we had was real. Why won’t you recognize it?”

“I’m dating someone else. I’m with Jayden now.” Why did speaking this fact out loud feel wrong? I liked Jayden, and we got along great, but he wasn’t Mason. It was supposed to be a good thing. Why did it feel nothing like that right now? Why did I still miss Mason?

“Yeah, right. Clarke. Like you had to run away and fall for my number one enemy.”

“Jayden is not the bad guy here, Mason. He’s nice to me and doesn’t expect anything from me. He treats me well and makes me smile. There are no groupies after him everywhere we go. We have fun together and he was there when my world crumbled around me and I was all alone because everyone had turned their backs on me. It’s simple with him. He listens to me and… I don’t have to explain him to you.” I’m aware you must see me as a traitor right now, but it was never my intention to hurt or disappoint you any more than I’ve already done. I’m so sorry.