Page 135 of Kickoff

I know you care about me, and I care about you too (a lot), but I need to stay away from you, Mase. Not because I want to, but for my own good. You once told me you never made me feel like I wasn’t enough, and you were right. Again, I did all of that to myself. In my warped mind, I put these expectations on me. Please don’t blame yourself. In all the months we spent together, you’ve been nothing but amazing and respectful and patient. You gave me your all, and I kept you at arm’s length because I thought I had to become the perfect girl for you. I didn’t believe you when you said I was beautiful in your eyes because I couldn’t see myself as beautiful and thought you were lying. I’m sorry I pushed you away, but believe me, you’re much better-off without me and my problems in your everyday life. If you stick around, you’ll become collateral damage, and you’re too amazing to be sucked in my vortex of self-doubt.

Being far from you is the only way I can truly heal.

Otherwise, we’ll go back to where we left things off, and I won’t prioritize my health. After we went swimming that afternoon, you told me you would accept any dare I throw at you because I won the race. Today, I’m daring you to cut me loose. For good.

Please respect my decision.

And in case you still believe Jayden is bad news, just hear me out. When I was broken, he was there for me. We connected. He’s been through some hard stuff himself, and he’s been nothing but nice to me. He never judged me or made me feel like I was damaged. He’s not the bad guy here. He is who I need at the moment. I’m not dating him to hurt you, Mase, and I didn’t plan to fall for him. It just kinda happened one day. I was sad and he was there, and it just clicked. Deep down, I wish seeing me happy will make you realize we’re not it, you and me—no matter what we tell ourselves—and help you move on. For the time it lasted, I really enjoyed being your friend, and I’m thankful for everything you did for me. You saved my life twice (or three times if you count the fainting episode), and I’ll never forget it. You’re still my hero and will always be, no matter what I let you believe when I was upset.

Mase, listen to me. You deserve the moon and the entire galaxy, and I wish I could be the one giving it to you, but since I can’t, please find someone who will. Someone who is free to love you like you deserve to be. Someone who will make you smile and treat you well.

Please tell Paige I’m not ready to forgive her. I don’t hate her anymore, and I now understand she was trying to do the right thing, but her betrayal still stings, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust her again.

Perhaps we’ll all reconnect sometime in the future, or maybe we won’t, but I’m okay with it. I have to be. I’m aware we’ll both be at CWU next year, but I believe the campus is big enough that we don’t have to be around each other. I won’t get in the way. That’s my promise to you.

I wish things had been different, but they are not. I hope one day you’ll forgive me and understand I’m doing all this because I love you, just not the way you want me to.

Thank you for always having my back and caring for me when I needed a friend. I’ll cherish the time we spent together forever.

I wish you the best in life.

Goodbye,

Melinda x

With my tears blinding me, I read the letter again, just to make sure I read it right the first time. A sense of panic spread through me at the idea Melinda and I were done for good. Being dismissed by the one person you wished would hold on to you hurt a lot. My heart fractured into more fragments inside my chest, and I pressed a hand against my ribs to keep all the pieces inside.

Curious about the contents of the box, I stood and picked it up from my dresser before sitting back down on the bed.

I removed the tab and fished the small object it contained. A piece of paper fell from it, and I scanned the message.

Mason (or should I call you Nurse Pierce?)

I had it custom-made after my surgery as a thank you.

And also, because I promised you a trophy. Here I am, following up on my words.

I hope you like it. I added a cape because all superheroes need one.

Melinda x

It was a bronze trophy of a football player with a jersey that read number twenty-two and Pierce on the back. Melinda had sewn a red cape embellished with gemstones and had attached it to his neck. A load of memories from our time together hit me like a tidal wave, and a new surge of emotions washed through me. She did care. About us. About me. About all of it.

Three soft knocks resonated on my bedroom door. I ran my forearm over my eyes. “Yeah?”

“You okay?” my brother asked from the other side. “Just wanted to check in on you before going to bed.”

I cleared my throat to remove the tension tightening my vocal cords. “Yes.”

“Okay.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment. “If you wanna talk about it, you know where to find me.”

I swallowed and blinked to erase sadness from my features even though he couldn’t see me. “Thanks. Night.”

His footsteps echoed on the hardwood floor as he walked away, and I relaxed a little. Turning the bedside lamp off, I lay on my back, my arms under my head, staring at the ceiling in the dark, my mind racing a thousand miles a minute.

In between excerpts of Melinda’s letter, my night out with my brother replayed in my head, keeping me awake. Sometimes, I believed he was born first because he was wiser and could teach me a thing or two. Since I had no intention of being miserable and ruining the rest of my last year of high school, I had to come up with a plan. Something to keep me going and not lose hope. Melinda cared. She did. We were not over.

I turned the night-light on and sat on my bed with a notepad in hand.