Page 83 of False Promises

Dahlia paused to blow her nose. I could picture her: red-rimmed eyes, fair skin, swollen lips. And my heart hurt in my chest. I would forfeit everything I cared about just to hold her right now. And feel her warmth coursing through me as we comforted each other. Like we used to do. Fuck, my feelings for her had been complicated for so long. Had I ever wondered if I’d truly gotten over my love for her, right now, I had my answer. I still loved her. But for once, my love wasn’t a prison around me. It was freeing. Dahlia and I, we were friends. Best friends. And I could live with that because the thought didn’t shatter my heart. And my soul.

“Tell me now. What’s wrong? Why are you sad?”

Everything inside me screamed in blazing pain.

“My relationship… It’s not what it seems.” There, I said it.

“What do you mean, it’s not as it seems?”

The weight of the world pressed down on my chest. Breathing became a challenge.

“Cart, how bad is it?” Dahlia’s emotions coated her words, and the sound of her own pain rippled through me. She didn’t need me to answer. She could always tell what was haunting me.

My tears rolled down my cheeks like rivulets, drenching my T-shirt. My mouth popped open, but the words stayed locked inside.

“I will never interfere in your love life. I never did, even when you made some pretty questionable choices in the early band days, and won’t start now. I know your ways of coping with hurt and sadness can be extreme. And I wish I could be by your side to help you through this. Cart, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be there for you. No matter where you are in this world, I’ll come to get you if you ask me to. You don’t have to tell me anything. But if you do, I’ll listen.”

A heart-wrecking sob escaped me.

I tried to keep it inside but failed, the amount of pain too heavy to vanish on its own. Years of being deceived by people I cared about pressed down on me.

I squeezed my phone harder.

“Shhh. It’s okay. You’ll figure it out.”

Dahlia’s words soothed me, but still, I had no idea if I should hang on to this new life I was creating here or if I should go back to my old one and hope this time around, things would be different. That my loneliness wouldn’t still be an issue, but something I could embrace.

The idea of a new beginning still appealed to me. I was desperate for it. No matter the cost.

To re-invent myself. Not for anyone else’s sake, but my own. To move forward. And free myself from any remaining chains the past held on me.

To let go of the pain once and for all and move ahead in life. I thought being here, in Los Angeles, was my doing that. Now I wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Carter? Are you still there?” Dahlia asked, her voice quivering.

I grunted and ran a hand over my face. “Yes.” I breathed out.

“Don’t rush into anything, okay? Promise me you’ll think before you take a decision. Whatever it is.”

A fresh batch of tears made its way down my cheeks. “I miss you, Dah. I wish things could be different. I wanna be with Jack and you. And just stop feeling like I don’t belong anywhere. You all moved on. Everything was so much easier before—”

Dahlia swallowed. The sound reverberated through the line. “I know. But you were still unhappy, Carter. You just closed up on yourself, wrote songs, and managed to convince everyone, including your own self, you were fine. But you weren’t. Even before Jeff passed, you were a mess. You drank. You disappeared for weeks. You trashed hotel rooms. Now you don’t hide from it behind your music or unhealthy behaviors, but I don’t think forcing a life that doesn’t suit you is the solution either. I spent time with you two. I saw how different you were around Savannah. How you bent in four to please her and she didn’t appreciate you or your efforts. And she dismissed you as if only her own happiness and needs mattered. Carter, you’re a pretty fantastic person already. You don’t need to change who you are. Not for me or anyone else. You only need to let go and move forward. But with a clear mind. Not to patch some holes in your heart.”

A sarcastic laugh bubbled out of my mouth.

“You take your time. To figure out what you want. Where you’re heading. And then you reach for your dreams. Not other people’s dreams, but yours. Genuine ones. Not what you think you should want, but what your heart really desires. Don’t put yourself last, Carter. For once, make yourself a priority.”

I bobbed my head. “I love you, Dah.”

She sucked in a breath. “I know.” A long pause. “I love you too. But I wish my love for you as your friend was enough.”

“It is. I see it now.” I sighed. “Dah, I’m scared of losing you. And Jack.”

“You won’t. Never. I’ll never allow that. You are our family.”

“No, you have your own family now.”

“Which you are a part of. Forever. One day, you’ll have your own too. When the right person enters your life. A healthy relationship isn’t supposed to bring you pain. It should fulfill both parties. Help you thrive. Not spread yourself thin.”