Page 82 of Game Plan

My tingly lips felt swollen, and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

For a long beat, we eye-fucked each other, the tension in the room suffocating me. We were treading on dangerous ground, and I had no idea if I wanted things to go further between us if given the chance.

Mason enveloped my hand with his and started pumping himself, never breaking eye contact. His length pulsed inside my fist. His irises turned almost midnight blue, and his cheeks flushed. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t avert my eyes.

A heartbeat later, he exploded all over his bare chest. We both stared at the white proof of what we just did without blinking. Letting go of my hand, he used toilet paper to clean himself up.

I was still surfing the thrill, unable to assess the consequences of our actions. I didn’t know if it would change something between us, but I hoped deep down it would bring us closer in many ways.

After I stood up and washed my hands, I tugged at his until he followed me back to the bedroom. I forced him to sit down on the edge of the mattress and straddled him, looping my arms around his neck. We remained still for the longest time, neither of us knowing how to break the awkward silence that now lingered around us.

“Mel, don’t take it the wrong way, but I think you should go.”

His words hit me like a freight train straight to the chest. “Go? As in leave? After I made you come when it’s not even four in the morning? After you begged me to spend the night and promised me I could use the bathtub later? After I walked in on you shooting drugs inside your body, and you’re in a weird state of mind? Are you serious?”

He avoided looking at me. “Yeah.” By the low tonality of his one-word answer, I could tell it wasn’t what he really wished for either.

“Nope. Forget it. Not happening.”

I searched his face, trying to find clues to what he meant when his gaze landed on mine. He schooled his features, hiding all emotion from me and shutting me out.

“I think I should be by myself right now.” He held me by the waist, trying to peel me off him, but I locked my legs around his sides, refusing to move. “C’mon. I can ask one of the guys to drive you to the dorms. Things are messy in my head right now, and I don’t want you to have to witness any of it. It’s not pretty.”

“As I already said, not happening. Not until we get to the bottom of this. I won’t judge you, I swear. And I already told you that what went down minutes ago changes nothing. Forget we did it.”

“I can’t. I won’t.”

“That wasn’t the deal.”

A laugh passed his lips, but it sounded hollow. “I’ll never be able to. I might believe it’s one of the drug’s side effects, though, because it felt like a dream. The best fucking dream of my life.”

“It wasn’t a dream. And stop trying to change the subject. Whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere. You’ll have to carry me out of here if you want me to leave.”

He let out a loud guttural growl. “Suit yourself then. For the record, I won’t say shit.”

“Mase, I care about you. A lot. I won’t let you ruin your life, your health, and your future. It turns out I’m super stubborn, and I’m not gonna walk away. No athlete of your caliber, with a dream of going pro, is shooting themselves up with drugs just for the buzz. It’s your shoulder. I know it is.” I poked it with my finger. “Where does it hurt? Here?” I moved my digit around. “Here? Maybe here? Or here?”

He clenched his jaw, his face becoming a mask of pain. “Okay. Fine. You win. Stop. Just stop touching it, please.”

I waited. And waited longer until he finally decided to talk.

“I’m losing my golden touch, Shepard. I told you earlier we lost two games.”

I nodded.

“A couple of my teammates are seniors. They have chances to go pro next year. They cornered me after that berating from Coach. They’re counting on me. I need to perform in order for them to perform too. I can’t let them down. This is my job to take them to victory. I’m the sole captain of this ship, and now it’s sinking.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s a team effort, not a one-man show. I thought we already settled this last year, and you knew that as long as you give your best, you can’t blame yourself if things go south.”

He traced the side of my cheek with his knuckles, sending shivers through my entire being. “The pressure is worse than ever. I’ve hurt my shoulder twice so far this season, and we still have months to go. I cannot not be at the top of my game. It’s also my future I’m gonna jeopardize if I can’t make it work like it’s supposed to. I’ve done everything to heal it once and for all, and it’s still stiff most of the time. Physical therapy, new training regimen, stretching, ice baths, plenty of rest, heat therapy, over-the-counter anti-inflammatories, tapping, painkiller injections. Nothing works long enough. I’m desperate. I just needed a boost. Something to help with the pain and stiffness for a little while so I could push through. It’s not like they’re gonna drug-test us now. They did a few weeks ago, and unless they have suspicions, we’re good for the rest of the season. It’s not forever. I woke up earlier and couldn’t fall back asleep, no matter how much I wished to. The pain radiated up to my neck and down to my elbow. The team doctor shot me with cortisone at the beginning of the season, but the relief didn’t last for more than a week. What am I supposed to do? Tell me because I’m clueless.”

“Oh, Mase. I wished you had told me how bad it was.”

“Nobody knows. Not even Craig. You better not say anything.”

“I won’t. But I wanna help you. Remember when you said you swam laps in junior year after you hurt your elbow? Maybe we could give aquatic therapy a try. I could coach you. Help you through it the same way you helped me after my surgery last year. I have the keys to the pool so I can practice when I need to or according to my schedule. We could meet there early in the morning, or when we have some time off, and give it a try. What do you have to risk?”

“Everything. Don’t you understand? Everything I’ve ever worked my ass off for is on the line. How am I supposed to get recruited to play for the big league after I graduate if I can’t even get my shoulder in check now? My entire future depends on my ability to throw the ball like I’ve always done. I can’t slack off, or else I’ll be benched and will see all my dreams crash and burn before my eyes. I won’t let it happen… I can’t let it happen. It would kill me. This is the only thing I’m good at. I’m nothing without football.”