Page 165 of Game Plan

“I’m not sure I can keep doing this. You gotta straighten things out. I won’t watch you throw your life away.”

She spun around, ready to leave, but I tightened my grip on her hands, refusing to let her go.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“But we’re supposed to have dinner together…to drive back to Crestwood later tonight. Move in together for the holidays.”

“As of now, I don’t wanna be around you. Maybe we really need that break after all.”

“No. Don’t say that.”

“Fix your life, Mase. I love you, but I can’t deal with you and your lies right now. You gave me that whole speech earlier about being honest and opening up and trusting each other, and all this time, you were doing the exact opposite. It’s a bit hypocritical coming from you, don’t you think?” After a beat, she looked away, building a wall between us. I sensed it in the way her hands became slack in mine, the dejected look painting her face, and the hollow curve of her spine.

She was pushing me away once again, but this time it was all my fault.

After everything we’d been through, I was the only one to blame for the clusterfuck about to split us up for good.

Yeah, I was losing her.

I was fucking losing my heart, and soon only a puddle of blood would remain behind. I didn’t know how to stop the hemorrhage from happening or if I was tough enough to do it on my own.

A single tear slid down her cheek. I was about to wipe it off when she beat me to it and dried it with her shoulder. “I’m not sure I have enough strength to deal with all this. I’m just starting to feel like my head is above the water and I can breathe. This is a lot for me to tackle in addition to everything else I’m already going through myself. I’m doing better, I really am, but I can’t risk going down that road again. The last ten days have been traumatic. I’m tired. And now there’s this doctor’s appointment hanging over my head. It’s already stressful enough. You can’t add more weight to the pile. It’s unfair. It would be different if you hadn’t lied to me for weeks. I can’t keep making excuses for you. If I’ve learned something through my own struggles, it is that healing must come from you because otherwise, it’s useless. Maybe you should listen to your parents and talk it through. We’re all on your team, Mase. Your parents, me, Craig, your friends, and your teammates… Your coaches too. The situation has gotten too big and out of control for you to manage alone. I regret not snitching on you when I first found out.” She shook her head. “You were right before. I feel like we’re back in Coach Vivien’s office last year, but in a parallel reality. It feels surreal. I’m super extra sad right now.”

“Just gimme a little time to get my life straight. I will do it.”

“Giving you time isn’t an option right now. You gotta do something. Tonight. It can’t wait anymore.”

“Mel, you’re right, but I can’t do this without you. I won’t survive losing my sport, and you on top of it. No fucking way. Don’t turn your back on me. You can’t gimme an ultimatum. That’s not how it works.”

“Listen, it’s not what I want either, but it has lasted long enough.”

“Then don’t do it. Don’t fucking leave me.”

“I’m still here, no? I just have no clue how to help you more than I already have… I need space. From you. To think. For real. And before you call me on it, it’s not my fears talking, but my brain. We can’t keep doing this dance. It’s unhealthy.”

“What does that mean? Are you…are you like breaking up with me?” The words tasted sour when they passed my lips. More tears built up in my eyes, but I blinked, trying to hide how this conversation was affecting me.

Melinda remained silent.

“Shepard?” I hated how unsure my voice sounded. “Shepard, say something.” I waited, but she said nothing. Everything inside me felt brittle. My heart was out of rhythm, my hands clammy, my head pounding. “I need you. I will always need you. Remember what I told you earlier, you’re stuck with me. For better or for worse. No matter what comes our way, we deal with it together. As a team.” I tried to project confidence as I spoke, but it didn’t hit the mark. “I can’t overcome this if you’re not by my side. What would be the point?”

“Mase.”

“Shepard, don’t let me drown. You’re the oxygen I need to survive.” My voice cracked on the last word. “I…I love you.”

An expression I had never seen before—something close to numbness—shone in her eyes. I blinked, not sure if I had dreamed it. No. It was still there. She watched me, but it felt as if a thick wall, made of glass, stood between us.

“Mase, I can be your moral support, but I can’t be the one saving you. Not this time. It hasn’t worked so far. You must be willing to do the work and save yourself first because you want to. Not because we ask you to.”

I swallowed my uneasiness. “Are…huh…are we okay?”

I caught sight of my brother in my peripheral vision and remembered we had spectators. For the past few minutes, I’d forgotten all about my parents and Craig witnessing our falling-out. Only Melinda mattered. Without her, I was nothing.

She remained silent, still staring at me, and for the first time in my life, I wondered if we were strong enough to face these new challenges together or if I had severed our bond and made her lose trust in me right after she had finally become mine.

“Mel? Why are you not saying anything?” I was about to explode into sobs. I needed the reassurance we’d get through this. Together.