Page 59 of Hope and Country

I blinked the tears forming in my eyes away, my pulse picking up with unsaid what-ifs.

Riley’s lips traced patterns on my nape.

It would be so easy to abandon myself to him. Utterly and completely.

It would be so easy to let go and become his. Now and forever.

He already turned his life around so much for me. For my safety. And my insecurities.

No way, I’d be able to ask anything else from him.

I had no idea how to define what we were. And I was scared to ask him. Because if he said he preferred us to be a fling after all, it would kill me. And yet, none of his actions screamed we were casual.

I shut my lids and inhaled through my nose.

Could I let myself believe we were it? That what we shared was real? Not just an aftermath of him caring for me and saving me from a fate someone else forced on me?

Hope made a barking sound from the little house Riley bought for her.

I’d miss her too when I left. In too short an amount of time, Riley and our fur baby had become family to me. Our. I shouldn’t have let my brain be pleased with those thoughts. Because it’d make it ten times harder to leave once Robbie stopped being a threat.

“Puppy time,” I said, moving to my feet in the bathtub, freeing myself reluctantly from the man I could see myself go the distance with. “I’ll take her outside.”

Riley’s hand clutched my bare leg, and his eyes snapped toward me.

“Devon?”

“Yes?”

“You sure?”

He moved to stand, but I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

I sucked in a cleansing breath. “I’ll stay in the backyard.” I straightened my shoulders. “Far from anyone’s inquisitive eyes. I’m sure I can do this. It’s about time.” More tears rushed to my eyes. I wasn’t ready. But I craved calm. The need to breathe the air away from this man, for a moment, grew inside me. “I’m stronger than my fears. I gotta do this.”

I hadn’t stepped a foot outside since I came here all those weeks ago.

I towel-dried quickly and in the bedroom, put the clothes Riley lent me on the first night. I took a deep whiff of the fabric as tears now rolled freely down my cheeks.

As much as I wanted to put distance between us, I also needed to feel him close. I clutched his shirt in an attempt to have a part of him with me. Giving me courage and strength.

In front of the wooden house with gray shutters and a matching door with paw holes in it, I squatted, opening the latch. “Hey girl, are you ready to go out?”

Hope made the cutest sound as I pulled her to my heart, and I laughed when she licked my chin, her eyes bright and tail waggling, bottomless joy pouring out from her.

“I’ve missed you too, baby girl. Come on, let’s get you outside, then I’ll prepare you a snack.”

Ruffling sounds came from the bedroom. Riley was about to join us. With long, hurried strides, I passed his music room. Well, it was more a recreation room with a few guitars on stands along one wall, a pool table in the center with a brown leather couch on the opposite side facing a stoned fireplace. A mounted screen and a bar in the corner completed the look.

The room had dark floors and ceilings and steel-gray walls, a contrast to the rest of the house. The recreation room fitted more with his bedroom style. Masculine. It screamed testosterone. And long nights of fun. In my hurry, I avoided glancing through the open door. If I did, memories of how he cherished every inch of my body in there yesterday would flash back into my mind, and I really wished to avoid thinking about it for now.

Not relishing the idea of him noticing my distress either, I unbolted the back door without thinking twice about it, stepped outside, and sitting on the deck steps, I watched Hope running around. My chest filled with a mix of contentment and peace. And hope. But soon, nagging thoughts about me leaving this love haven crumbled something inside me.

Hope came running as if she sensed I needed her affection. I patted her head and threw the ball she dropped by my feet. She yipped and ran away, her cheerful self rolling in the grass, not a worry in the world clouding her day.

When she returned to me, I lifted her in the crook of my arm, her tiny furry body nested against my chest, relishing her warmth and unconditional love. And the strong beating of her heart.

Seconds later, she rested her head on my upper arm and dozed off, her snores calming my agitated self.