Page 56 of Princess and Country

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An hour later, I sat at the kitchen table, listening to sad country songs, a cup of tea in front of me, one leg folded, my arm wound around it. My eyes traveled across our small house. The cream kitchen cabinets Jeff and I repainted together when he moved in because they were a dull shade of nugget-yellow before. The worn-out hardwood floor. The red pillows sprinkled on the L-shaped couch. The black and white photo of Carter, Jeff, and me on prom night that I framed by the fireplace.

Would I ever be able to walk away from this life?

An emptiness replaced the parcels of joy inside me.

I sighed and pushed my shoulders forward.

Carter entered the house and joined me.

I cocked my head to stare at him. “How did it go?”

My best friend made himself a cup of tea and took a seat beside me, giving me a shrug. “I think he finally listened. But he’s in denial. I’m not sure he understands how bad this is.” He shook his head and exhaled.

“What did you tell him? Wait. You don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business. Anyway, I heard too much already.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were—I didn’t mean to—”

My best friend squeezed my hand, and my body relaxed under his touch.

I wasn’t ready to deal with every confession I heard earlier. “We don’t have to talk about it, Cart. Some other time maybe. Not today.”

Carter bowed his head. “Fine.” He sipped his tea, avoiding my eyes. When he brought his attention back to me, he spoke in a low voice. “I told him he needs to get a grip on himself and seek help. That he needs to make a choice. Get his shit together or he’ll end up miserable and alone.”

“Do you think he’ll agree?”

“I don’t know. He listened. Perhaps it’s a start. Oh, and you need to pack him a bag.”

My eyes flared. “Wait. Why?”

“I’m bringing him home with me. You can’t hold the burden all on your own, Dah. It’s too much. I’ll bring him back in a few days. Get some time off. Call Addi. Go to a spa or whatever you girls do when you’re together. It’d be good for you. You’ve already done enough.”

A lump formed in my throat, my emotions pushing to get through. “You’re sure?” Carter nodded. “This could be fun.” Why was he always so selfless around me? Somedays, I wondered what I did to deserve his undeniable love.

I hugged Jeff as we stood in the entryway. Carter was waiting for him in the truck. “Please let your brother take care of you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Princess. I can take care of myself.”

“Whatever. Enjoy your boys’ weekend then. I’ll have a girls’ night out.”

Jeff ran a hand over his scruffy face. He hadn’t shaved in a week. He looked as messed up on the outside as he did on the inside. His navy shirt was wrinkled, and his jeans, which hung low on his hips since he’d lost a lot of weight, were ripped and stained with paint and mechanic oil.

“I love you,” I said, the words burning the tip of my tongue as they exited my mouth. My Jeff made an appearance. Something glinted in his eyes. I blinked, unsure if I imagined the whole thing. No. It was there. A little glow brightening up his darkness.

My heart filled with sprinkles of hope.

Maybe we’d get through this.

Not today.

But one day.

Jeff cradled my cheeks. “I love you so much, Dah. I’ll get better. I promise. Don’t lose faith in me.” I offered him a tight-lipped smile because that was all I could muster right now. “Say something. I know I’ve hurt you. More than enough times—This is hard. So freaking hard. I’ll start working again. It would do me some good to see other people. I’ll call Peter at the garage. You’ll see. It’s you and me, Princess.”

I kissed him. I didn’t know what to say. For a second, I wanted to believe him. To believe he’d get the help he needed. But how many times did we have the same conversation in the last few months? And each time, it ended up being just words thrown around to make me feel better. To infuse a false sense of hope in me.

Jeff hooked his hand around my neck.