Page 127 of Pink and Country

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On the sofa, my head rested on Carter’s stomach, our fingers knitted together. “Can I tell you something?” Carter tilted his head, worry flashing in his smoky-gray eyes. Words flew out of my mouth. Stuff I’d kept inside for so long tumbled out. I talked. A lot. I told him about Travis. How I met him. How we fell in love. How the Bensons welcomed me like a daughter.

It had been a little over midnight when we came back from dinner.

Our night was amazing. Everybody treated me like I belonged. Carter’s smile grew wider every time he introduced me to someone new. We weren’t just having dinner with his team, but producers, musicians, roadies, and more. The entire night, Carter rested his hand either on the small of my back or entangled our fingers together.

I wore an off-white knee-length body-hugging cocktail dress with lace sleeves and bodice.

Strappy heels and a small gold velvet clutch completed the look.

Carter whispered dirty things to me the entire night, kissing me every chance he got.

I cleared my throat. “Except with Saunders, I never talk about Travis. He lives in a part of my heart I buried deep down and rarely visit. For a long time, it hurt too much. Not so much anymore. I’ll cherish the memories of us forever, but they don’t haunt me like they used to.”

“April, if you’re still in love with him, I can’t compete. I’ll never ask you to choose. It wouldn’t be fair. I can see how much he still means to you.”

“You love Dahlia. You’ll always love her. But I don’t see her as a threat. Perhaps a little at first but not now. You don’t look at her the same way you look at me.”

“That chapter of my life is closed. However, you welcomed the Bensons back into your life, April. You told me yourself they are family to you. I’m not blind. I can see how the mere mention of Travis affects you. He seems like a nice guy. One day, he’ll realize his mistake and will want you back. I know I would. You two have a history together—” My blood turned to ice hearing the doubt in Carter’s voice. And seeing the emotions passing through his eyes. Carter only had doubts when it concerned my love for him. I sucked in a puff of air and told him everything. Every detail. The one I withheld even from him.

“Travis is dead, Carter. He’ll never come back. He ended his own life. Three years ago.”

“Fuck— I knew the Bensons had lost a child, but I’ve always thought it was a daughter—”

I shook my head, emotions smoldering inside me.

“He suffered from a variant form of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. It’s super rare. That’s what the fundraiser was about the other day.” The lump in my throat, hard as a rock, pressed against my airways. “I was aware he’d do it, that he’d kill himself, and I didn’t stop him. I loved him too much to refuse him his last wish. He was sick and was losing the use of his body and mind. His condition deteriorated quicker than the doctors expected. He refused to be a prisoner of his own body, waiting for his own mind to fail him.” I buried my face in Carter’s chest and sobs rippled through me. Carter pressed his lips on the top of my head, and he hugged me, blanketing me in his arms.

“I’m here, April. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Don’t cry. I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay. I love you.”

My entire body quaked in his embrace.

The tears gentled, and I smiled as a memory flashed in my mind.

“We even got married before he passed.” Carter almost popped an eyeball but straightened his face fast. His heartbeat raced under my cheek. “He proposed on a Wednesday, and we eloped to Vegas the next Saturday. I even bought a white dress because I wanted our wedding to be perfect. He died the following weekend—one week after our wedding.” The cries ripped my chest into so many pieces I feared nobody could ever sew it back together. “I let him die, Carter. I did nothing to stop him. And I didn’t tell his parents either. They never said a heartfelt goodbye to their only son. Sometimes, it feels like I killed him myself.”

Without interrupting me, Carter brushed my damp hair away from my face, kissing my tears.

“The Bensons said they were sorry for blaming everything on me. Near the end, Travis distanced himself from his parents. I had nothing to do with it. I even tried to put some sense into him at first, but my grief and fears clouded my better judgment, and I did what he asked, not thinking about how his parents would feel.”

I crumpled on the ground, and Carter caught me. My tears burned my eyes. The scorching stream etched its way down my cheeks.

“I will love him forever, but I love you more. You’re here. He’s not. You’re alive. You’re beside me right now.” I took a long, shuddering breath and grabbed Carter’s hands. “Travis showed me how to love. How a family should be. How people should treat me. That I’m worth it. You’re showing me what passion should be like. But also, how to live. How to feel. How to thrive. How to not be afraid. I love you so damn much, Carter Hills. You’ll always come first in my heart. There’s no doubt. Travis is ancient history. You own my heart. All of it. I will always choose you. You’re my present. And my future. You’re my soulmate.”

Carter lifted me up in his arms and brought me to the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and wrapped his arms around me, his heated stare full of promises. We made love. It glued together big broken chunks of my heart. It sewed my torn chest back together. Carter’s eyes never left mine as he moved in and out of me. I shivered underneath him. He kissed my pain away. Entwined, we didn’t break apart for hours. Carter spooned me from behind and covered my naked body with his, a blanket keeping me safe.

My man tightened his grip on me. “Sleep, April. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll always be here for as long as you want me. I love you.” His warm lips landed on my cheek, and once more, Carter wiped my sadness away. Turning on my back, I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

We said nothing. No word could express how I felt. Carter’s heartbeat rocked me to sleep.

* * *

The next day, at lunch, we sat on the couch of our suite, our legs entangled, and ate the Mexican food we ordered. Burritos, tacos, rice. We had one last night left in Seattle before driving to Vancouver.

“I never want my career to come between us, April,” Carter said after a stretch of silence. “I’ll never ask you to deal with what you’re not fully comfortable with. You don’t have to give any interviews. You don’t have to walk the red carpet or come to every event. As long as I know you’re there somewhere, cheering me on, it’s good enough for me.” His eyes glistened. “As long as I can kiss you whenever I want and bury myself into you in my dressing room, my trailer, or my hotel room and at home, I’ll never complain about anything.” He winked at me, and I melted under his heated stare.

“Carter, I want to be beside you. No matter what. I love you. Nothing could change that.”