Page 78 of Talk to Me

“You don’t hate me?” he asked quietly, still looking at his lap.

“No,” I said emphatically. “Not at all.”

“You still want to be my friend?” He looked up, his eyes misty.

“Of course,” I said, smiling at him. “I just need to feel my feelings for right now.”

He nodded.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” he asked.

I eyed him for a moment.

“I think even the best people make mistakes,” I said. “And they should be allowed to atone for them. But that doesn’t mean the person or people they hurt don’t have the right to be mad for as long as they want. People aren’t required to forgive or forget. So, yes, we’re still great friends. Best friends. But I get the other side of this, too, you know?”

Theo stared at me for a moment, then slowly gave me a nod.

“I’m gonna go do my homework,” he said softly as he motioned at my desk. “You look like you’re ready to eat, so I’ll get out of your hair. But maybe later we can hang out or something?”

“Of course,” I said, reaching out to grab his hand as he passed by. “I’m really not mad at you. I promise. You’re still my best friend. Nothing has changed. Just give me time to process, okay? I’ll text you after I go see Arthur later.”

Theo smiled down at me and squeezed my hand.

“Okay.”

And then he left. I stared at the door for a few moments, then spun in my chair, popped open my to-go container, and ate my room temperature burger and fries.

The drive to Spice House had been quiet and uneventful. Of course, with the looming winter holidays coming, I’d played Christmas music, as was typical for me. Theo, on the other hand, didn’t seem as festive. He’d participated in the conversations I tried to start about school, classes, projects that needed to be finished before the holidays, and similar topics. I still felt that he was holding back as we made our way to see Arthur.

I hadn’t told Theo when we’d met in the parking lot, but I’d had a blow up with Collin right after Monday classes were over. Two weeks had passed since I’d last seen him, only to accidentally run into him in our dorm room after classes. Typically, after Monday classes were over, I had lunch and immediately took off to Spice House to visit Arthur. Since Theo needed an hour to finish up some errands before we left, I’d stopped by my dorm before leaving for once.

Upon entering our dorm room, I found Collin packing his bags. When he caught sight of me, he began slinging clothes and belongings faster, squealing and mumbling about how he “just can’t put up with” living with me anymore. I sat in silence on the edge of my bed, staring at him as he cursed and complained and packed up his things.

When he finally left our dorm room, huffing and puffing to carry all of his bags, he slammed the door behind him. Sitting in silence for a few moments, I finally got up and cleaned up the bit of mess Collin had left in his wake. Then I put my things away neatly, grabbed my lanyard, wallet, and phone, and headed out to the parking lot to wait on Theo.

Another thing I didn’t mention to Theo on the ride to Spice House was that while I was waiting on him, I had perused his Peepers account. Much to my confusion, I found that most of the videos he’d posted since coming to Midway had been removed from his account. The squirrel video I’d caught him filming that night outside of the bookstore was still available. Our Halloween video with our costume and stupid dance was available, and currently sitting with more than six million views and a million likes.

The video of Arthur talking about throwing the toaster through the racist homophobe’s window was still present, with nearly as many views and likes. However, everything else was pretty much scrubbed from his account. Weirdest of all, he’d untagged himself from the video I’d made defending him against Ben. When he’d showed up at my car, I desperately wanted to ask him what was going on with his account, but I decided against it.

Theo had shown up in the parking lot acting unlike himself. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was that was off, but he seemed distant. He didn’t necessarily say or do anything that made me worry, but his vibe was off. He didn’t initiate conversations that weren’t about school. He didn’t sing along with the Christmas songs on the radio, though he smiled at me when I went about my usual routine. He seemed to merely be participating in life, not engaging.

I found myself wondering a few things as I drove and did my best to act unbothered. One, I couldn’t wrap my head around why Collin was so bothered by my friendship with Theo. Of course, many people react strongly to anyone that has cheated on a partner. I understood that aspect of Collin’s attitude. However, he didn’t personally know Theo or Ben, so I couldn’t understand why he was taking it all so personally. Furthermore, I couldn’t wrap my head around why he’d put so much energy into trying to prove that Theo was the biggest jerk to ever wander off Jerk Island.

It all seemed like a giant waste of energy to me.

Secondly, I couldn’t help but wonder why Theo was so distant with me or why he had deleted so many videos off of his Peepers account. Since I’d made the video defending him against Ben, and Theo and I’d had our talk about my annoyance with the situation, things had been different between us. I couldn’t deny that our friendship had changed a bit since that incident, but today was worse. I felt like I was riding in the car with a stranger. It was awkward.

Why he deleted so many videos from his account two weeks after the incident also confused me. Since I’d made the video letting everyone know that Ben was mistaken about my relationship with Theo, things had settled down considerably. People were consistently defending Theo in the comments of Ben’s videos if he so much as even alluded to his beef with Theo. The comments on Theo’s videos had been nearly all positive.

The number of people approaching Theo on campus, asking to be in a video on his account was getting ridiculous. Everyone wanted to be in a video, be his friend, talk to him, or simply be in his orbit. It was exhausting at times, not being able to have a conversation with him in public without someone approaching us about Peepers, but it was good for Theo’s business. I couldn’t bring myself to get upset when things were turning out well for Theo.

Wondering why things were suddenly so weird was something I couldn’t stop myself from doing, though. Everything was good. So, why wasn’t everything okay?

“We’re here!” I announced cheerfully as I pulled into the Spice House parking lot, as though Theo was unable to see for himself.

He smiled, but didn’t respond. Instead, I parked and we unbuckled and slipped out of the car. Theo waited as I dipped into the backseat and grabbed the five-gallon Christmas tin from the rear of the car. Since I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Arthur until the new year, I had to make sure he got his gift before the holiday.

Theo and I walked through Spice House in our coats, scarves, and gloves, marveling at the decorations put out for the residents’ benefit. Lights, garland, tinsel, no less than three Christmas trees, and tons of fake snow decorated the halls of Spice House. I knew Arthur well enough to know that he’d call it all “gaudy,” but secretly, I knew he loved it. As all the residents did. Anyone that said they hated Christmas decorations was simply a Scrooge in my book.