Page 17 of Talk to Me

Following my Monday visit with Arthur, I found that I couldn’t help myself. Every class I attended, everywhere I went on campus, every chance I got, my eyes darted around, attempting to spot Theo. I’d see him dashing through the crowd of students on his way to a class. My eyes would land on him sitting a few rows away in a lecture hall. He’d zip in and out of the dining hall, grabbing something to eat, then scurry away with it.

Stalking him wasn’t my intent, I had simply grown curious about him. After my chat with Arthur, I’d thought about feeling unwelcome in a place you had every right to be. Regardless of any choices Theo had made in life, he hadn’t actually harmed anyone on campus—that I knew of—so it felt gross that people were being rude to him. It felt even more disgusting considering that the reason they were all treating him poorly was over some unconfirmed slight against a stranger.

Theo was elusive, however. Spotting him for brief moments throughout the week made it nearly impossible to gauge how he was handling Midway and his fellow students. He never seemed too distressed when I did see him, but he wasn’t actively engaging with anyone. Going to class, getting food, and running away from everything human seemed to be his modus operandi. I couldn’t really blame the guy. Avoiding humans was one of my hobbies from time to time, and no one had really given me a solid reason to do it.

Other than, you know, people.

By midweek, I’d nearly given up on my mission to figure him out. Second week of classes involved more notes, more homework, starting projects that would be due at the end of the semester, and Collin was a constant distraction at night in our room. If he had to be in the dorm studying, instead of with the guy he was currently seeing, Collin could be a lot to handle. His constant moaning and groaning about how unfair university was for assigning work made studying torture at times. Fortunately, his overwhelming willingness to share the items from the care package his mom had sent him made it a little more tolerable.

When Thursday afternoon rolled around, and Collin left to stay with Dylan for another weekend, life—and studying—became easy once again. I accomplished more studying on Thursday evening than I had all week. I even picked up my dinner from the dining hall and ate at my desk to make the most out of the glorious quiet. Even though studying was easy, sleeping was even easier. Without Collin around, there were no nightly noises, so I didn’t have to sleep with earplugs in to stay asleep.

As much as I loved my best friend, sharing a room with him was annoying at times. If Midway University suddenly started offering single dorms in my senior year, I was going to make sure my name was at the top of the list. Collin and I could still have classes together, eat meals together, hang out, and video call all we wanted. Having the luxury of a room all to myself meant more to me than almost anything. Of course, being in my third year of university, I was probably getting sick of sharing space.

Having the stress of studies, wanting to make good grades, get quality sleep, and have some alone time exacerbated my feelings. Not that it was something I wanted to discuss with anyone, but there are certain things guys my age want to do that are nearly impossible when you share a room. If I wanted to jerk off Monday through Thursday, I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep, and quickly do it in the shower. Or I had to make absolutely certain Collin was fast asleep—with his earbuds in—before quickly attending to the task as quietly as possible.

Laying on your side, turned towards the wall, masturbating, while hoping your friend won’t notice is not a relaxing activity. Jerking it quietly in a shower stall with only an opaque plastic curtain to keep anyone from walking in and catching you was also stressful. Due to the limited opportunities to tend to my needs, I’d gone home at the end of my freshmen and sophomore years pretty tightly wound. A three-peat was not something I was interested in for my junior year.

Please let Collin fall in love with Dylan, I found myself thinking as I drifted off to sleep Thursday night. At least for the year.

When I awoke Friday morning, I felt more rested than I had in the previous two weeks. I hadn’t overslept, so I was able to pop into the bathroom casually, take a thorough shower, groom myself, and then take time dressing for class. By the time I was grabbing my wallet and lanyard, and slinging my backpack over my arm, I didn’t look like a complete creature for once.

Maybe my junior and senior years would be the era I got my shit in order when it came to my appearance. Taking care of my studies had never been an issue, but there’d always been a sacrifice to keep up with them. Looking at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of our room door on Friday morning, I felt things might be changing. Managing my time and sleep schedule better might be the thing that changed my life at Midway.

I headed out to American Literature with a spring in my step, feeling great about myself. With extra time before class, I was able to eat in the dining hall, and slurp down a bottled cold brew before class. I’d remembered to fill my water bottle the night before, so I was able to swish some around to clean some of the coffee stink off my breath as I made my way to class from the dining hall.

Upon arriving, our professor was already in class, but she appeared busy. I said a quick “hello” before walking to the back of the room and slipping into the same seat I’d taken during our first week. Class quickly began to fill up, and my thoughts of how good I felt about myself switched to realizing that I hadn’t seen Theo. If he waited to the last minute to duck into class again, he’d be stuck sitting next to me once more.

I took a real shower this time. I chuckled to myself. Turn your nose up at me again.

As if he had heard my thoughts, and summoned to do the thing I least wanted, Theo arrived with only a minute to spare. Another straggler came through the door beside him. The other student zipped past Theo and into class in search of an empty seat. Theo’s eyes seemed to go directly to my table, probably because it was the one he’d had the week before. Recognition that the seat was empty again registered on his face and he frowned. His eyes darted away in time to catch the student who had zipped by him take the only other empty seat.

I could have been imagining it, but Theo seemed highly perturbed by this development. His shoulders seemed to slump and he shuffled into class, winding his way through the aisle towards my table. Students shot him glances and a few whispers and giggles broke out amongst the students as Theo came towards me.

This dude really does not like me, I found myself thinking.

Sitting next to me for another week seemed to be a Hell-like punishment for the guy. Obviously, my imperfect hygiene the week before had left a bigger impression than I’d thought. The previous week, I knew that I hadn’t groomed myself as well as I normally did, or liked, but I hadn’t felt I’d been bad enough to leave an impression that would carry into the second week of class. As Theo shuffled over and committed himself to the only remaining seat, I was determined to make up for the previous week. If I was nice and inviting, he’d take a second look—and whiff—and realize that the previous week had been a fluke.

When he sat down next to me, appearing to do anything but look directly at me and instigate any type of interaction, I nearly lost my resolve. It was possible the guy was standoffish, not because of my appearance the previous week, but because he didn’t like socializing. Maybe he was an introvert? Maybe he was wanting to focus solely on his studies.

Maybe he’s a giant, gaping asshole?

Anything was possible. However, I was determined to give it one more shot.

When Theo didn’t so much as acknowledge my presence, I turned slightly in my seat, and affixed the most normal smile I could muster to my face.

“Hi,” I said, simply.

As if in slow motion, Theo tensed, and turned his head to look at me. I managed to keep my smile on my face as our eyes met. For a split second, I thought, surely, he was going to at least greet me back. Smile. Nod. Anything.

What he did, I hadn’t expected.

Theo Hendrix literally turned up his nose, looked me up and down, and turned his head to look back up at the front of the class.

Message received, you little shit.

I stared at the side of his head for a moment longer, the smile melting from my face. When it was abundantly clear that a sneer of disgust was all I was going to get, I turned my attention back to our professor. She had already begun her lecture, and I hadn’t even opened my binder so that I was prepared to take notes. With a flurry of movement, I got my materials ready, and settled in to listen.

Paying attention to the lecture proved nearly impossible. Catching only snippets of what our professor was talking about made my notes fragmented and jumbled. The face Theo had made kept replaying in my head as I sat there, wondering what I could have possibly done to make a complete stranger give me such a look. It had been as if I was the worst person he had ever encountered in his life.