Page 81 of The Warmth of Our Closest Star

“But…why?”

Alex shrugged. “He likes a challenge. He hasn’t met a tumor yet he couldn’t find a treatment for.”

“I’m not someone’s experiment,” I grumbled.

“It’s not an experiment,” Alex said firmly. “It’s hope.”

I had to pause and collect my thoughts.

“Alex,” I whispered, controlling my emotions, “I cannot be disappointed again. Especially not about that.”

“Well,” Alex said, nonchalantly, “I also assumed you’d want to hang out with me for a few days. Take a break from life. And I’d like to see you, too.”

I couldn’t help it. I smiled. Still unsure about the suggestion to see his doctor friend, my gut flipped at the thought of getting to spend time with my best friend. We hadn’t gotten to spend time together in person since the party Peter had thrown.

“And if you tell anyone I said that I’ll tell them you’re lying so don’t even think it.”

I laughed.

“Alex,” I said, “I’d love to visit you. I just…the doctor…I don’t know.”

“Enzo—”

“It’s just part of who I am now,” I said, sighing. “It’s better to accept that than to get my hopes up because some doctor thinks they’re better than every other doctor I’ve seen.”

“Look,” Alex said, “you don’t have to commit to anything except meeting with him. If you don’t like what he says or think it’s a waste of time, get up and walk out. Try to be nice—he’s my friend after all—but give him half an hour to talk to you. What have you got to lose?”

Hope, I thought.

I could lose hope.

Then again…I’d lost hope ten years prior. At least as far as my tumor went. I’d given up after the last surgery had done nothing but left me with another scar, a bald patch on my head that took months to grow back fully, and disappointment. The tumor wasn’t cancerous. As long as I took my medication, it was plausible that I could live for an average length of time for a human. If an exceptionally bad seizure didn’t surprise me and ruin that plan.

Why would I want to put myself through more disappointment and more doctors?

Because even I wasn’t dumb enough to believe that I’d given up.

“A half-hour?” I asked, considering it. “That is all I have to promise? And I can leave if I don’t care for what he says?”

“Well, yeah.” Alex stuffed more popcorn into his mouth. “It’s just a chance. No one is expecting a miracle here.”

For some reason, Alex pointing out that both he and the doctor had realistic expectations set my mind at ease. I didn’t want more people promising things they couldn’t deliver. I wanted honesty. There’s a chance it could work, but we’re not going to be ridiculous about it. That’s all I had needed.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll meet him.”

“Great,” Alex said. “Find out when you can fly down. Let me know, and I’ll set up an appointment with him. Plan to stay for at least a few days after. There’s too much food to introduce you to here in just a day.”

Then he hung up.

Puke Green is the Color of Hope

“What the fuck?”

Dr. Bradley had muttered that phrase in my ear. His actual name was Dr. Carlson, but he preferred “Dr. Bradley” because he was technically a pediatric neurologist. I was sitting on the paper-lined table in an examination room of a pediatric neurologist’s office. He was picking through my hair with his fingertips, examining my scalp as I sat patiently, waiting to hear anything he had to say. Curses under his breath was not what I’d expected.

Of course, I hadn’t expected, after Alex had picked me up at the airport on a Tuesday afternoon, to be driven directly to Dr. Bradley’s office. Nor had I expected to sit in a bright waiting room full of primary colors and children’s toys for an appointment to see a doctor for patients much younger than I. Watching children play on the floor as their parents eyed Alex and me warily had been unnerving. The fact that I love children and enjoy watching them play—watching them simply be children—did not help the parents feel I was not dangerous.

Fortunately, Dr. Bradley had been expecting us, so we only had to sit and be stared at in the waiting room for five minutes before a nurse ushered me back to a room. Alex had said he’d wait in the car, obviously so that I could have privacy. I appreciated that, but I also had hoped he would go into the exam room with me. Seeing Dr. Bradley had made me nervous already, but seeing him so suddenly after arriving in Texas had compounded that anxious feeling ten-fold.