Page 18 of The Warmth of Our Closest Star

“Got it,” he said. “I don’t want you to really pass out.”

I was suddenly incredibly aware that my hand was still on Peter’s chest, my flesh touching his bare flesh and the sparse hairs there. Were they red like the hair on his head? I had not yet seen them with the lights on. For a split second, I almost asked Peter to turn on the bedside lamp, but I didn’t want him to see my obvious predicament. That would have to wait until the next time.

Please, God. Please let there be a next time.

Please don’t let me be horrible at this.

“You know,” Peter said, reaching up to grab my hand, “even if the first time is quick, you’re young. We don’t have to stop doing things if you come too quickly. There are other things that can be done until you’re ready to try again. I recover pretty quickly for a guy my age, ya’ know.”

This man can read my mind.

Peter slid my hand down until it was against his stomach. I could feel a thin trail of hairs traveling to lower places.

“Is your body hair red, too?” I asked.

Peter laughed, the little bit of belly he had shaking against my hand. That, too, made me harder.

“Yeah,” he said. “Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?”

“Yes. Everywhere.”

A lump in my throat joined the one in my pants.

“Do you want to see?”

“Not this time.”

“This time?” Peter’s voice was thick.

“Yes.” I felt my fingers begin to move against his belly, stroking those hairs and the flesh beneath. “Next time…definitely next time.”

“I can live with that,” he said, a soft moan escaping his lips as I stroked his flesh, “will I get to see you then, too?”

“Yes.” I moved my hand so that my fingers played along the waistband of Peter’s pajama pants.

“I want to kiss you.” Peter exhaled.

“You never have to ask permission for that, either.” I somehow managed to answer even though my heart was in my throat.

Peter moved towards me too suddenly, so that when his lips met mine, my hand was pushed into his lap by his stomach, and I was suddenly touching the most intimate part of him. My whole body shuddered and I almost yanked my hand away out of surprise. Somehow, I managed to leave my hand where I had so agonizingly slowly been working towards. Peter gasped against my mouth, but he recovered and kissed me deeply, his hands coming to cup my face.

Touching another man’s erection for the first time nearly sent me over the edge. It wasn’t only Peter who shuddered as our lips pressed against each other’s. When I felt Peter’s tongue gently push against my lips, urging them open, which they gladly did, I knew that Peter had been right about first times. Maybe I wouldn’t end up coming too early, but I wouldn’t last nearly as long as I would like, or long enough to feel proud of myself. Trying not to be embarrassed by the possibility of coming too soon was getting easier the more we kissed and the more my hand laid against him. All I wanted, now that my fear was melting away, was to make Peter realize how I felt about him.

The most surprising thing to me as Peter’s tongue tried to memorize my mouth, and I inexpertly tried to do the same to his mouth, was how warm he felt against my hand. I had only ever touched myself in such a way—and I knew that so much blood in one body part created warmth—but it was surprising nonetheless. Peter was breathing heavier the more we kissed, but when my fingers decided on their own to grab him through the material of his pajamas, he gasped.

When I suddenly felt Peter pull his mouth away and his mouth moved down to my neck, kissing, licking, and gently sucking at the taut flesh there, my fingers gripped him more firmly. I held him firmly in my fist, though I didn’t do more, as I wanted to prolong this moment for as long as possible. No complaints were uttered from Peter as his mouth continued moving. I’d never had someone kiss me in a romantic way, let alone in such a passionate and hungry manner that wordlessly explained how much they desired me. It was intoxicating. My whole body seemed to be made of jelly as Peter’s mouth moved against my flesh. Peter’s mouth on my neck only increased the sensations I was already feeling throughout my entire body. Never, in all of my fantasies, had I imagined that being kissed on the neck would make every part of my body respond.

“I’m going to take your shirt off,” Peter managed to mumble as his mouth moved against my neck.

“Fais-le,” I moaned. “Maintenant.”

Peter froze.

“What’s wrong?”

“You just said something.” Peter pulled back to look into my eyes. “In French.”