Page 75 of Jacob Michaels is Dead

“Oma and Lucas.” Lucinda brightened. “Those are your fan favorites. And you butchered one and sacrificed the other.”

“Lucas and Oma?” I chuckled. I wasn’t offended. “Rob gets no love, huh?”

They both laughed.

“Carlita.” Ron performed a ‘chef’s kiss’ type motion. “People will die for her. But you killed her off as well. Hell, even Lucas’ grandfather got axed. In fact, it’s pretty clear that most everyone in the town died—even ones you’d never know about. You left the one character no one will feel all that sympathetic towards. I mean…we live in the age of the internet, Jacob. They’ll absolutely roast your ass on Twitter.”

“I live to be dragged on Twitter.” I shrugged.

Lucinda and Ron exchanged a look.

“Ron,” I chuckled warmly, doing my best ‘Nice Jacob Michaels’ impersonation, “have I brought you anything that turned out to be bad before? Every movie we’ve worked on together has done well enough. Some have even done really well. Not a single stinker in the bunch.”

Lucinda and Ron seemed to decide something telepathically, so Lucinda turned to me to speak whatever it was they had discussed subliminally.

“Jacob,” She said, “this is very meta. It’s cool. I mean, you’re Jacob Michaels, your real name is Robert Wagner, and you’re from Ohio, and you want to make a series where an actor with the stage name ‘Jacob Michaels’ goes home to Ohio to get away from the toxicity of Hollywood. I love that. But…”

“But what?”

“People might start to think this is really your life story,” Ron explained.

“They’ll think I really grew up in a house with a magical old lady and tiny little creatures that did household chores, and my hometown was full of people with magical abilities and werewolves? That I can shoot lasers and fire from my hands? That’s crazy.” I couldn’t help but let a laugh escape my mouth.

Both Ron and Lucinda turned a pinkish color, but they laughed with me.

“Well, okay.” Ron held his hands up. “Who do you see in the supporting roles? I mean…it sounds like…”

“Yeah.” I nodded, stopping him. “Obviously Esther Jean Wagner for Oma. Lucas Barkley for Lucas Barkley…I found some new talent for Jason, Carlita, and Andrew, and—”

“You want your real grandmother and boyfriend to play your grandmother and boyfriend—and you want the characters to have the same names as the real people?” Lucinda’s brow furrowed, thinking this over.

“Yeah.” I shrugged as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

“Jacob.” Ron gave a barking laugh. “Lucas has barely even managed to land supporting roles in the past…and now you want to give him a role in a project like this?”

“Talk about nepotism,” Lucinda spoke out of the corner of her mouth to Ron.

They both laughed, but it wasn’t at my expense.

“Sure.” I shrugged. “He can do it. You said meta is good, right?”

“I just said it was cool. Not good.” Lucinda teased.

“And your grandmother—God love her—” Ron began, “she’s an incredible actress. But how long has it been since she’s acted? The 70s?”

“She did some T.V. and a few movies in the 80s and 90s.” I corrected him, though I knew he knew those things.

“Pardon me.” He laughed.

“Come on, guys.” I rolled my eyes with a smile, trying to be affable. “Jacob Michaels, his legendary actress grandmother—”

‘That’s pushing it.” Lucinda mumbled.

“—his actor boyfriend. All from Ohio. All playing themselves in a T.V. show that pretends to be about their real life. It’s like reality T.V. meets situational comedy meets dramedy. And it’s full of magic and fantasy in my hometown in Ohio. Don’t tell me people wouldn’t eat that shit up if we do it right. People are dying for LGBTQ plus representation in their media. They want to see meaty roles for older women. Everyone loves drag queens—even Republicans. We could easily show the juxtaposition between the glamour of Hollywood and regular working-class Americans. It would be easy to show social issues and discuss them visually. But in a heightened reality, fantasy way that appeals to a broader audience than those just looking for something real.It’s the best of both worlds. You could appeal to people out here and people in middle America. This is one of those shows that easily trends on social media every Sunday night and is discussed in workplaces across American on Monday. And the Kobolds? Ernst? Think of the action figures and stuffed dolls possibility. So…much…merch.”

Again, Lucinda and Ron exchanged looks, seemed to have a telepathic discussion, and agreed on something quietly.

“We’re not denying that it’s intriguing—” Ron began.