Page 5 of Jacob Michaels is Dead

“You,” Carlita leaned forward, “did it poorly.”

“Fuck you.”

“Classy.” Carlita moved back, her arms coming to rest over her chest. “You always were such a delight, Esther Jean. Oh, how I’ve cherished our millennia together. I’m kind of sad to see our time come to an end, even though it will mean never having to look at your face ever again.”

“I did my job, damnit!”

“If you did your job, he wouldn’t have come back.”

“How the fuck was I supposed to know everything I did wouldn’t be good enough to keep him away longer?” Esther Jean waggled her head at Carlita.

“Because I told you.”

“You’re always runnin’ your damn mouth about something.”

“That’s what oracles do.” Carlita turned her head to the wolves, who were, once again, trying to inch away. “If you boys don’t stop being pesky, momma’s gonna get mad.”

Jason and his wolves flinched at the toothy smile Carlita flashed.

“Let ‘em run.” Esther Jean threw her hands in the air. “Where the hell are they gonna go anyway? I’m assuming they’re goin’ to turn tail anyway. Now that the arrival of their master is inevitable.”

Carlita gave the wolves a stern look, then turned back to Esther Jean, all smiles once again.

“He took Lucas with him,” Carlita said simply.

“Well, who the fuck saw that comin’? That was me. Some goddamn oracle you are! I told y’all pushin’ them two together was gonna cause problems. I told y’all this whole goddamn plan was a bunch of cat turds hot-glued together, ya’ old bitch.”

“At least I’ve aged well.” Carlita shrugged sweetly.

Esther Jean glowered at her.

“Meanness does nothing for the complexion, my dear.” Carlita reached out as if to touch Esther Jean’s cheek.

Her hand was slapped away sharply. Carlita shrugged again and crossed her arms over her chest once more.

“Look here.” Esther Jean snarled, her finger jabbing at Carlita’s face again. “I did what I was supposed to do. He left. It ain’t my fault he came back. I acted put out just enough to not let on, but I never forced him to come back here. But even when he came back, I did all I could to confuse him, to make him think he was crazy, to scare him, to make him hate me. I pushed him and Lucas together again like we planned. I set him up on a date with a goddamn werewolf.”

“I told him that werewolf was nothing more than a harmless pervert so he’d go on the date,” Carlita interjected, unhappy with not getting her share of the credit.

“And I set up the whole scene the day after with Andrew. Hell,” Esther Jean Wagner ignored her, “I had his ass jumpin’ in the damn freezing lake to save a ghost. We got the werewolves after him—got assface over there to send three wolves over to scare him. Even lured his ass outside in the middle of the night to be scared.”

“You got Katie killed.” Jason spat angrily before realizing who he was growling at, then corrected himself and calmed down.

“I got him interested in the cellar.” Esther Jean Wagner continued. “I drew him down into that cellar over and over. I got him to jump in that damn well. Got more of assface’s wolves to attack him and Lucas out on the Maumee after you sent ‘em out there to retrieve Lucas’ memories. Did better acting in these last few weeks than he ever did out in Hollywood. I gave him even more fake memories. I’ve lied my tail off and used every trick in my damn bag to get him to leave again. It ain’t my damn fault he’s made of sturdier shit than every other damn witch before him, is it? What kind of fuckin’ moron—no matter how powerful—sticks around through all of that?”

“One who’s in love.”

“Oh, blow me.” Esther Jean waved Carlita off. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve heard in my whole fuckin’ life—and that’s a long damn time. The bar is pretty fuckin’ high.”

Carlita chuckled. “I’ll miss this.”

“Yeah.” Esther Jean shrugged. “Me, too. But it ain’t my fault my magics wasn’t strong enough for him not to see through, damnit. By mornin’, he’ll remember everything—even if I don’t help him. And it won’t be the shit we want him to think he remembers, either. Then we’ll really be fucked, won’t we?”

“What about Lucas?” Carlita asked, chewing at her lip thoughtfully.

“He ain’t strong enough to see through shit. Not yet. Probably that damn vegetarian diet.” Esther Jean sighed. “But Rob will help him.”

“Lucas ain’t meat starved. He’s inexperienced.” Carlita rolled her eyes. “And Rob will help him because he loves him.”