Page 34 of Ginjuh

“Here?” My eyes widened.

“Well, no.” He wasn’t smiling, but he was blushing. “But…sometime?”

“Yes,” I answered a little too quickly, then cleared my throat. When I spoke again, my voice was hoarse. “Yes. I would want to see you naked.”

“Would you want to do…things…with me?”

“Yes.”

Again, I answered way too quickly.

“I want to do things with you, too,” Austin said, his head raising to look at me. “I want to, uh, see you naked.”

My whole body felt shaky, like right before you cliff dive or jump out of an airplane. Adrenaline was coursing through my body but it had no release—I couldn’t whoop and holler or jump up and down. I had to be cool. This was a delicate dance the two of us were doing. And…well…I didn’t want to seem like a virginal geek, either.

“When do you want to?”

He shrugged.

“I haven’t really thought that out.” He admitted with a nervous laugh. “I just had to know that you wanted to, too. I mean, you haven’t kissed me today…and I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me.”

“I can kiss you,” I said, then corrected myself. “I want to kiss you.”

Austin smiled.

“I want to kiss you all the time.” I corrected myself again.

“Are we…like, dating?” He asked.

I inhaled. I’d never had a guy indicate in any way that he wanted to see me naked and do…things…with me, let alone be my actual boyfriend. And, when it happened, I didn’t think the first time would be with someone I actually liked so much it hurt.

“You wouldn’t mind dating me?” I asked, looking away.

“Mind?”

“I mean,” I jabbed a finger at my hair, “Ginjuh with the freckles and flaming red hair and pasty skin and the stupid nickname he got because he used to have a speech impediment.”

“You still do.” Austin chuckled lowly. “When you don’t pay attention. Sometimes you get excited and really happy and your ‘er’ sounds turn into ‘uhs’.”

I frowned, still looking away.

“And sometimes, when the sun hits you just right, your hair looks red and gold and brown.” He said. “Like a flower growing wild. And your freckles are brown and red and golden, too. Like you rolled in the most beautiful colors there are on Earth. Your skin…”

I swallowed and turned to look at him.

“What?”

“Sometimes it hurts when I’m close to you and I’m not touching you.” He said. “Like, physically hurts. I don’t have any idea what it feels like to…”

He took a deep breath.

“…have sex with another guy. Sometimes I think it might be gross. When I’m, well, on the internet looking. But when I look at you, all I can think is how I want to feel every part of you and have you feel every part of me.”

I just stared at him, clearing my throat like Grandpa did when any other response would undo him.

“And then you smile.” Austin shook his head and looked down. “Seeing you happy, it’s the most beautiful pain I’ve ever felt. Because I’ve wanted to touch you every time I’ve seen you smile—but I didn’t know if that was allowed.”

“You have the most beautiful words.”