Page 32 of Jacob Michaels Is Not Jacob Michaels

“How is that vague?”

“You told me that you’ve been enamored with me since high school.” His fingers stopped moving. “That night we first…made love.”

“Yes.” He breathed the word.

“Which locker did I have in school?” I asked. “Where was it? Do you remember a time you looked up at lunch and saw me walking by your table? What was I wearing? Did you ever talk to me in class? Ask me for a spare pen or pencil? Did we accidentally bump into each other in the hallway and chuckle and say ‘excuse me’ or even ‘Go fuck yourself’? Do you remember me raising my hand in class to answer a question? Who were my friends? Give me some details.”

Lucas just stared at me.

“I can’t.”

“I didn’t think you could.” I nodded.

“So…what does that mean?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But…I’ve been having flashes of memories and weird dreams.”

“What about?”

“I don’t know.” I felt my vision get blurry. “I can’t remember after I have the flashes of memories or the dreams. But I remember how they made me feel.”

“They make you miss me?”

“A lot of them, yeah.” I nodded.

“I’m not sure what that means, Rob.” He said, then kissed my lips again. “But I know that I always felt like I was supposed to be with you. It’s why I was so upset when Mrs. Wagner tried to set me up on a date, and it wasn’t you. I wanted you so badly…but I also knew that I was supposed to be with you.”

“That doesn’t make sense either.”

“Obviously.” He chuckled.

Both of us laid there, curled up in each other’s arms, Lucas’ fingers trailing through my hair again as I nuzzled my head against his chest and I held myself against him with all my might. In the furthest reaches of my inner self, I knew that it wasn’t quite normal to have someone you barely knew feel like home. However, that same part of me told me that it wasn’t normal to reject something that felt like home, either. Everything about Lucas made me feel warm and safe and…like Rob. Everything I was felt tied to this person whom I had only known well for fewer days than I had fingers and toes. Lucas made me feel like I was really getting back to being Rob.

As I lay there, Lucas stroking my hair, wondering if Oma was going to come knocking on the door to ask if we were going to have dinner or at least text, I felt a nagging feeling in my gut. Surely, there was some way to figure out why I was having weird memories and dreams that didn’t make sense. If I couldn’t figure out why I was having them, maybe I could at least remember what the memories and dreams contained. As if testing a hypothesis, I reached up and laid my hand against Lucas’ cheek, trying to make it look like a loving gesture and nothing more. Lucas smiled at me and looked into my eyes.

Nothing.

How I felt about Lucas remained, but I didn’t get a flash of a memory or a weird jolt of feeling. We were simply in bed together, doing what couples in…what couples in love do. That thought was more telling than any memory or dream I could have and then remember. Since my experiment had half-failed and half-succeeded, I leaned up to give Lucas a soft kiss.

“I hope you never want to stop kissing me.” Lucas sighed as I pulled away.

“Highly unlikely,” I whispered. “Would you humor me if I wanted us to check something out?”

Lucas grinned evilly.

“Not that.” I laughed.

“Well,” He was still smiling, “then what?”

“I want to go to the football stadium.”

“Really?” Lucas cringed. “It’s like a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Athens, and I have to work at grandpa’s store tomorrow, babe, and—”

“Not Peden, silly.” I laughed.

“Well, Cincinnati is like four hours away, too.”

“Not Paul Brown, either.” I reached up and thumped him gently on the forehead. “The high school football stadium. I’m not crazy. I don’t think.”