Page 40 of Jacob Michaels is Not Crazy

Ernst waved a tiny hand impishly.

“I figured that part out, ya’ crazy old bat!”

“Ya’ don’ have much fat on ya’, sir.” Ernst peeped. ”Ya’ put off alotta heat. ‘Tis warm in your bed.”

“Um, thanks?” I snorted down at the creature.

“You’re welcome.” He nodded, a stern look on his face. “But if ya’ wrap me up in a blanket one more time—”

I swung my arm back as though to strike him.

Ernst flinched. Yeah. He was a real badass.

“Well, don’t hit him for God’s sake!” Oma screeched.

“What. Is. That. Thing?” I asked again.

“He’s Ernst.” Oma reiterated.

When the expression on my face let both Oma and Ernst know that this was not an adequate, nor acceptable response, Oma continued.

“He’s a Kobold.” Oma waved her hand in the air as though that explained everything about Ernst.

Ernst bowed an introduction.

I just stared at them.

They stared back.

“Oh, fuck me silly.” I slapped a hand to my forehead. “That explains everything, doesn’t it? Ernst is a Kobold. How stupid of me to worry about him crawling up my ass each night to sleep.”

“I didn’t crawl up his ass,” Ernst spoke to Oma out of the corner of his mouth.

I frowned at him.

“A Kobold is a household spirit.” Oma rolled her eyes. “They do chores and mostly keep to themselves.”

“In the shadows?” I barked.

“Well, fine, yes.” Oma shrugged.

“We also are expert pranksters.” Ernst peeped proudly.

I glared down at him.

“He won’t bother you none sleepin’ in your bed,” Oma added.

I was apoplectic.

“Stay out of my room, Ernest!” I jabbed a finger at him.

Green light flashed through the room and Ernst was propelled off of the bed and through the doorway into Oma’s bathroom. Oma gasped and then the room filled with silence. After a heartbeat, I heard scurrying in the bathroom and Ernst was gone. I turned my head to look at Oma. She was looking at me in horror as my hand hung in the air, my finger pointed at the bed. What had just happened?

“What the fuck did you do that for?!?” Oma screeched.

“What did I do?” I asked her with wide eyes.

“You just blasted Ernst’s ass into the bathroom is what you did, ya’ idjit!”