Page 20 of Rescuing Macie

“By now it was fully dark, and I searched through the rubble and found what weapons I could and went on the hunt for Gris. We’d all been trained how to withstand torture, and I hoped like hell the assholes hadn’t just killed him outright as they had Bud.

“Every single person I came into contact with on my hunt for Gris, I killed. Some with my bare hands, so I didn’t draw attention to myself. I didn’t give them a chance to identify themselves, either. Randy said the entire town had participated in the death of my teammates—and they’d laughed while doing it. I showed no mercy for any of them.

“By the time I found Gris, I almost didn’t recognize him. They’d stripped him naked like they had Bud, and had tied him to a stake on the back side of the town. He was barely conscious, but I could tell even from my hiding spot that he was still fighting to live. I’d collected various firearms from the people I’d killed on my way through the town and had quite the arsenal set up…including an RPG.

“I didn’t hesitate. I aimed that thing at a group standing near Gris and fired. It was stupid. I could’ve killed Gris.”

“But you didn’t,” Macie said with complete certainty.

Colt jolted under her. He’d been so lost in the memories in his head that he’d forgotten where he was. Forgotten that Macie was even there.

“To confirm what you heard, hon…yeah, I killed a lot of people. Old women, teenagers, adults. I don’t regret it, and I’d do it again if I was in the same situation.”

“What about Gris?” she asked softly.

“What about him?”

“Did he live?”

“Yeah, he lived. When the air cleared and after I picked off the remaining insurgents who hadn’t fled after I’d fired the RPG, I got Gris off that fucking stake and got us the hell out of there.”

“You have to be proud of that,” she said.

“I might’ve gotten Gris home, but I left Randy, Bud, and the others there. The one rule we take very seriously is that we never leave anyone behind.”

Macie sat up on his lap and turned toward him. She took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. “You couldn’t get Gris and yourself to safety and take their bodies too. They’d have understood, Colt. And I have a feeling, if they were anything like you or my brother, they’d kick your ass for even thinking about coming back for their bodies after you’d rescued Gris.”

She was right. Randy had been very vocal when it came to safety. About not taking stupid risks. And Bud was completely laid-back. He got his nickname because in boot camp, the drill sergeant accused him of being high because he wasn’t fazed by anything. Bud would simply shrug and say that Colt had done what he’d had to do to get Gris home.

Even though he knew she was right, it didn’t ease the feelings of guilt he still carried.

“I understand feeling guilty about something,” Macie said after she’d put her head back on his shoulder.

Colt immediately snapped out of his own head and focused on the woman in his lap. She was no longer loose in his arms. He could feel her muscles tighten even as she began speaking.

“There are so many things I feel guilty about in my life. I’ve made so many mistakes it’s not even funny. Starting with arguing with my brother before he left.”

“You guys were kids. You can’t blame yourself for that,” Colt said. He moved a hand to rub the small of her back and the other rested on her thigh and kneaded her flesh there lightly.

“I guess I don’t blame myself, but I wish I’d listened to him.”

Colt stilled.

“The boy I was dating was bad news. Ford knew it, but I thought the guy loved me. I guess I latched on to him as a replacement for the affection I knew I’d lose when Ford left. But he wasn’t a good guy. He convinced me that he loved me, and we’d be together forever. I was so young…I thought we were going to get married. I let him convince me to sleep with him. And I…I got pregnant when I was fifteen.”

Colt forced himself to breathe, but didn’t interrupt.

“I wanted that baby so much,” Macie said softly. “We began fighting more and I suspected he was seeing other girls behind my back, but I wanted to make things work so bad. I told him about the baby, and of course he broke up with me. Said he wasn’t ready to be a father. Just up and left. I was heartbroken, but determined to raise my baby on my own.”

She stopped speaking, and Colt gave her several minutes to continue, but when she didn’t, he brought his hand to the back of her neck and massaged her. “What happened?” He was pretty sure she didn’t have a child hidden somewhere. He did the math in his head and figured that her child would be somewhere around eighteen.

“My parents made me have an abortion.”

Her words were flat, and all the more heartbreaking because of the lack of emotion in them.

“I’m so sorry, hon.”

She curled farther into him, bringing her knees up. Colt tightened his embrace, trying to cocoon her with support.